Performance Anxiety

Well, we've all been there, haven't we?

Before you all start leaping to unwarranted conclusions, I'd better explain.

Last year (2018) seemed to be a year in which either I gave things up, or things gave me up!  As a consequence, I had to re-evaluate what I wanted to do in my retirement (if anything).  I considered various volunteering options quite seriously but I kept coming back to the unhappy conclusion that, although all of these were very laudable, they weren't really something I wanted to do if I was going to be honest.  From experience, volunteering is a fantastic way to make new friends and acquaintances and to gain experience in areas that you might not have usually explored, but it can also become another full-time occupation, almost by stealth.

As I used to be an Outplacement Counsellor in another existence, I thought I should really take a dose of my own medicine and evaluate what it was I enjoyed about my previous occupations.  There were many aspects but the thing that I kept coming back to was that I enjoyed performing, whether I wanted to admit it to myself, or not (and I didn't). 

I like an audience.  

Admittedly, it also terrifies the life out of me but I also have to accept that that is part of the fun!  Having accepted, bedgrudgingly, my apparent superficiality and need for approbation, I then considered how to satisfy that part of my character.  I came to the conclusion that the simplest way, which would also neatly link to my writing, would be to resume the Talks that I started to give years ago but which I had to abandon due to pressure of work.

The upshot of all this was that I found myself, last Monday, appearing in front of an audience of about 13 people (you've got to start somewhere) at the United Reformed Church in Derby.  This was after weeks of rehearsals and revisions (you've no idea how stupid you can feel until you've spent time giving a talk your spare bedroom over and over again) and some cursing and oathing whilst wrestling with the technology inherent in giving a presentation.

My grateful thanks to everyone at the Derby Friendship Group for being so kind and, well, friendly.  Now I have to gird my loins for my next date in March which will be at Highbury Hospital, Nottingham for a meeting of the NHS Retirement Fellowship.  Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye!

You can find more about Philip's talks at Derbyshire Speakers List - Philip Whiteland