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Someday My Prints Will Come

I don't know about you (well, obviously I don't, I'm not even sure who you are) but Amazon and their associates have the happy ...

Friday, 31 August 2012

Jambalaya - here at last!

After what seems like an eternity, but is in reality only a few months, I've finally managed to get the book to the point of publication.  I'm really hoping you're going to like it.  I would certainly be grateful for your feedback, so if you can at least take a 'Look Inside' and tell me what you think, that would be great!

Thanks to everyone who has supported and encouraged me on this journey.  Now comes the tricky bit ;-)

Read more and buy Jambalaya at and

It’s a time of Civil War; of cowboys and soldiers, riverboats and gamblers, genteel Southern Belles and dark deeds.

Celany Garden had it all – big house, doting wealthy parents and not one but two devoted lovers. So why is she being pursued by kidnappers? What has happened to her maid, and where does an Army Major called Agnes fit in? Can Celany beat the law, the army, and an enthusiastic posse in finding the answers? Everything hinges on a flatulent horse called Thunder, a General who hates loud noises and a psychopathic Marshall with a penchant for torture. Gone with the Wind was never like this! 

Philip Whiteland is well known for his hilarious collections of 'nostalgedy' childhood memoirs, 'Steady Past Your Granny's' and 'Crutches for Ducks'. This is his first foray into full-length fiction (and you try saying that after a night at the pub).

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Jambalaya 3rd and definitely final random excerpt

I know I said I wasn't going to do this but...what the hell!

Max strode up the steps of the saloon.  An old-timer sitting on the steps spat congenially in his direction.
            "Why did you do that, friend?" Max asked.
            "Jest trying to add a little local colour to the scene" vouchsafed the old man.
            "Well thank you kindly but I really didn't want the local colour all down the left leg of my pants.”  Max made for the door of the bar and then turned back, intrigued.  “Say, did you just vouchsafe that?"
            "Sure did."  The old man confirmed, smugly.
            "Gee, I never heard someone vouchsafe something it again."
            "I kind of restrict myself to one a day, I don't want to wear it out you know"
            "Really, where do you wear it?"
            "Jest tucked inside ma pants"
            "Well, I suppose we should all be grateful for that.”  Max stated.  “I'm looking for a woman, can you help?"
            "Well, I guess I ain't as purty or as agile as I was,” the old man admitted, “but I'm game if you are!"
            "No, I want a woman!”  Max confirmed, hastily, “for the night, if you see what I mean....."
            "Oh.”  The old man slumped back disappointedly, “well, you need to see Jay Alors in there, he's the local pimp, known as Zoot to his friends"
            "How will I know him?"
            "Well, he's about your height, dark complexion, thick black moustache.."
            "Anything else?"
            "Oh yeah, he'll be wearing a pink and silver sequinned jacket with the word PIMP embroidered on the back."
            "Well thank you kindly sir, here's a dollar for your trouble"
            "Seems a fair bargain, here's my trouble" and so saying, he handed Max a small wooden box from which a low growl could be heard and ran off with a rare turn of speed.

You can find an explanation for all of this nonsense at Jambalaya Prologue

Read more and buy Jambalaya at and

And for those who prefer non-fiction, The first collection of stories - "Steady Past Your Granny's" is now available in Kindle e-book format at Amazon UK and Amazon USA and now read the new bumper collection of stories, Crutches For Ducks  also at and