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Someday My Prints Will Come

I don't know about you (well, obviously I don't, I'm not even sure who you are) but Amazon and their associates have the happy ...

Sunday, 25 August 2013

Life in the old girl yet!

Just had a really nice review on Goodreads for Steady Past Your Granny's

"Phillip Whiteland never fails to entertain, as is well proven in this, his first published collection of "nostalgedy" (which I, of course, read last). But the order the books are read in is not nearly important as the fact that they "should" be read by anyone desiring a good pick-me-up. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine, and Whiteland consistently delivers it in ample doses. His works are keepers and will be well worth a re-read in the future."

You can read it in full, here

Friday, 16 August 2013

So, what the heck is 'nostalgedy'? Part 1

It struck me (and I know many people would like to) that you may be wondering what this 'nostalgedy' nonsense is all about?  This is intended to be a bit of an explanation.

I think the best thing I can do is to quote from some of the reviews I've been very lucky to receive.  For example, Gingerlily from Ireland put it like this:

"Its the same formula of gently amusing stories picking fun at everybody, but most of all the author himself... Its all very likeable and appealing stuff and very easy to read. Philip has this knack for finding the amusing in everyday things. As with the first one, it can be enjoyed with you feet up and a nice pot of tea and biscuits."

and Alina from Australia says:

"One of the strengths of this book is that you feel like you're sitting around the pub talking chite with an old friend as Phil reminds you of how absurd much of your babyboomer childhood and adolescence was."

In other words, I spend my time going over some of the embarrassing moments from my past in the hope that people might find this amusing, and they seem to!  The beauty of this is that incidents that may have been the cause of sharp words and tension at the time can, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, be converted into light-hearted stories.  Things such as this:

"Dad insisted on providing the turkey for this feast, which was something of a concern because Dad disliked doing anything in a conventional manner.  If he bought anything, it was always through ‘someone who knows someone’ who could allegedly get it cheaper, bigger or faster, or all three.  This sort of arrangement tended to lead to considerable uncertainty, which was not conducive to the peace of mind of my aunt and uncle, who were great ones for doing things properly.  Thus the scene was set for potential disaster.

As the days before Christmas gradually diminished, my aunt made repeated requests to know what size of bird to expect, but was always fobbed off by Dad, who probably didn’t know the answer himself.  Christmas Eve arrived and, as good as his word, Dad delivered a fresh turkey, albeit rather late in the day.  However, in a fit of generosity, probably brought on by the fact that Christmas Eve was Dad’s birthday, which he did like to celebrate, he had bought something that resembled a young ostrich.  My aunt had a relatively small kitchen and there really wasn’t enough room in there for her and this bird.  The problem was compounded on Christmas Morning, when, having prepared this avian monster for the oven (a not inconsiderable feat) it became apparent that it would not fit into the oven.  Only savage butchery reduced the beast to portions that could realistically be prised in.  Even then, the sheer size of the fowl led to the generation of so much fat that the kitchen looked like the morning after a riot in a chip shop.  The whole thing took much longer to cook than normal and the eventual result, despite my aunt’s acknowledged culinary skills, was not up to her high standards.  She was left quivering on the edge of either murdering my Dad or having a nervous breakdown, whichever was the easier.  Typically, Dad couldn’t see what all the fuss was about and was somewhat miffed not to be the hero of the hour."  (extract taken from Crutches for Ducks)

Or this gardening incident:

"I remember one night of shame, way back in the 1970s, when he and I had called in at the pub on our way home from work and spent a little longer there than was really sensible.  It was a warm summer's night and still quite light when we got home.  Mum had been nagging dad for some time to weed the top patch of ground so that she could plant out some seedlings she had been nurturing.  As we made our way down the entry to our house, dad said we should get on and do that now, as it would be a nice surprise for her.  Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, as these things do when you have had far too much to drink and not enough to eat.  We set to, removing all the bits of greenery in this patch by hand.  It took quite a while, but we felt vindicated when we looked at the fruits of our labours, a nicely cleared patch of ground and a pile of green spindly shoots.  I'm sure you've probably guessed by now that mum had spent the whole day weeding that patch and planting out her seedlings.  You may also have guessed that we were not very popular for some time after that, although dad took most of the heat as he should have been able to spot the difference between seedlings and weeds, whereas my ignorance in that area was widely known." (extract taken from A Kick at the Pantry Door)

I suspect the key to it is that we've all (or most of us) done something just as silly at one time or another, and it's quite fun to be able to laugh at someone else's shortcomings.

If you think this is the sort of thing you might like to read, you might want to start off with the very first compilation of stories, Steady Past Your Granny's, which has the distinct advantages of being both short and cheap (bit like me)!

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Know more than is possibly good for you!

Amazingly, I've been featured on another blog!  The very generous Brenda Perlin has kindly assembled some information about me and my books for all the world to see (well, that bit of it that can be bovvered).

Find out more than is possibly good for you at

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

The Poor Sid meteor shower

Delighted that everyone has been enjoying the spectacle of the Poor Sid's meteor shower. Poor Sid, as you know, was the ill-fated Sid Buckle, the first British astronaut whose misguided attempt to eat a baked bean sandwich with a pint of Guinness in zero gravity led to the trail of debris we now pass through once a year. 

Saturday, 10 August 2013

What's your ideal 3 course meal?

I was thinking about my imaginary 'A Kick at the Pantry Door' restaurant and what it might serve, and that got me thinking about my ideal three course meal. In all honesty, this could change by the hour and the following selection is hardly the triumph of haute cuisine, but I thought I would quite like a Savoury Duck sandwich to start, Cod, chips and mushy peas as a main course and something like Death by Chocolate to finish off (this explains why I look like I do on the cover). 

What would your ideal three course meal consist of, if you could choose any cuisine from any era?

A Kick at the Pantry Door - Amazon UK

A Kick at the Pantry Door -

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Jambalaya - what to expect

This is a brief excerpt from my book Jambalaya. It's a book that bears absolutely no resemblance to anything I normally write, and you either love this sort of thing or hate it. This is the hero talking to a chap who is currently his valet, for reasons to long and complex to explain:

“Quite reminds me of when I served back in the homeland, laying out the old dress uniform, sir.”

“Yes, Rivers, I’m sure. Remind me, who did you serve under?”

“Major Hugh Makemey-Pheal, sir. A fine man. All the men loved him, sir. Dressed for dinner every evening no matter where we were. I’d laid his dress uniform out that fateful night.” Rivers snuffled, “He’d taken a small party of chaps on a recce. None of them came back. It was quite a famous event in its time. Couldn’t be something futile but romantic like the Charge of the Light Brigade though, could it?” Rivers mused bitterly, “Oh no, Pheal’s Pholly they called it.”

“Crimea, Rivers?”

“I cried a river over Hugh.” Rivers sobbed, “Excuse me, sir, if you will.” He whimpered and ran out.

Amazon UK =

Amazon US =

P.S. (9th August, 2013) Ok, so it's not FREE any more, but let's face it, at 99p or equivalent it might as well be!  Dip in and see what you think, a bit of silliness might be just what you need right now :-)

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Free Jambalaya (get it while it's hot!)

Every now and then I get bored and decide to liven things up by offering this silly little book for nothing, nada, zilch.  This is one of those times, so if you are of a mind to clog up your Kindle with something exceptionally daft - dip your bread!  Free on 7th and 8th August only.

 Amazon UK =

Amazon US =