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DERBY - NOTTINGHAM -  WALTON-ON-TRENT-  ASHBOURNE Alright, I agree, as World Tours go it's rather limited.  In fact, it only ...

Wednesday, 28 November 2018

For the avoidance of doubt!

Yes, I know exactly how you feel.  The book sounds good but, then again, it's the author telling you about it so it would, wouldn't it?  How can you be sure that you won't be wasting your time and hard-earned money?  Well, the simple answer is that you can't, but solicitors have a phrase 'for the avoidance of doubt' which they often use when they're about to reiterate something that should be well known to everyone but they just want to make sure.  I thought I might do the same, so here's a run-down of what you can find in 'A Christmas Cracker', available as a Kindle e-book for just 99p or as a paperback that you can give as a gift for 4.99 GBP.

'A Christmas Cracker' is a compendium of seasonal nostalgedy (nostalgia mixed with comedy) observational humour and fiction all designed to make you chuckle and get you In The Christmas Spirit, a condition that gets more elusive with each passing year, if you're anything like me!

1. Coming to town for Santa Claus (nostalgedy) - recalling a trip to Derby in the early 1960s to see Santa.
2. The Fag-End of the Year (nostalgedy) - remember how much easier it was to give Christmas presents when tobacco products and related items were still acceptable
3. It's a Gift! (nostalgedy) - recounting some of the more memorable gifts from my childhood and, I'll bet, yours.
4. Gift Wrapping (nostalgedy) - more about Christmas gifts now and then.
5. By the authority vested in me (observational humour) - what to buy the man in your life (you might be surprised, but trust me, he'll thank you for it)
6. You'd Better Watch Out! (fiction) - Peregrine and Prudence apprehend Wayne, the Anti-Santa.
7. You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry (nostalgedy) - on believing in Santa Claus, or not.
8. The Night Watch (fiction - The Alternativity) - The first episode in the Alternativity series of stories.  The Shepherds debate the meaning of the star and moan about the effect on their sheep.
9. Lessons from Carols (nostalgedy) - about reading the lesson at the Christmas School service and misinterpreting the words of the carols.
10. Sing a Song of Christmas (nostalgedy) - the sheer embarrassment of touring the local pubs as part of the church choir, in full regalia.
11. Yuletide Greetings from the Smith's! (fiction) - you know those annoying 'round robin' letters that sometimes come with your Christmas cards?  Well, I've taken one to its logical conclusion.
12. Crackers at Christmas (nostalgedy) - the Christmas my dad promised to get the Turkey...and the ensuing unpleasantness.
13. The King Thing (fiction - The Alternativity) - the second part of the Alternativity in which the Shepherds meet the Wise Men and neither group are impressed.
14. Time, Ye Merry Gentlemen, Please! (nostalgedy) - remembering pub culture at Christmas
15. The Spirit of Christmas (fiction) - a white-bearded old gentleman finds himself joining the throng on Christmas Day lunchtime in a typical pub in the 1960s.
16. A Room at the Inn (fiction - The Alternativity) - in the eponymously named "House of David' inn, Old Jim has some thoughts on Herod, the Census and paternity whilst hot water and swaddling clothes are needed in the stable.
17. My Christmas Presence (nostalgedy) - how I disgraced myself at a Christmas Day family lunch.
18.  Luncheon for One (observational humour) - on the difficulty of dining alone on Christmas Day, even if you want to!
19. A Stable Upbringing (fiction - The Alternativity) - when the Kings met the baby and everything didn't go quite to plan.
20. Get Away, In A Manger (fiction - The Alternativity) - we hear a lot about the human contingent in the stable, but what about the Ox and the Ass, what did they have to say?
21. Brightest and Best of the Sons of the Mourning? (fiction) - Josiah and Archibald, of Oakshott & Underwood Funeral Directors, discuss Archibald's seasonal marketing strategy.

Will that do for you?  Do you think you might find something in there worth reading?  I do hope so 😁

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