I was a stranger and ye took me in

I have always wanted to have the courage to put that biblical quotation in a B&B Guest Book, with its delightful double-meaning you could have real fun with it. The closest I have ever come to putting my plan into action was this weekend.

Four of us make a point of going on a 'walking weekend' each year. We've been doing this for the last 20 years and the negative effects of sudden physical exercise and too much booze get harder to cope with each time. Last year, our venue of choice was Bath. We arrived at our pre-booked B&B, bright-eyed and bushy tailed one Friday morning. The opening conversation went something like this:

Prop: "Now your rooms have a WC with a macerator. You need to make sure that you don't put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper else it blocks it and we'll have to charge you for repair."

We nodded and affirmed that we understood the vagaries of maceration.

Prop: "Also, your room (pointing to first two group members) has a problem with the flush. So, if the macerator keeps on going, can you let us know straight away as otherwise it overflows into the dining room"

We nodded again and began to wonder what we had let ourselves in for.

Prop: "Now, I've got you in two twin rooms,ok?"

Us: "No, we booked, one twin room and two singles"

Prop: "Oh, are you sure (we were)? I don't have two singles at the moment. Can't you share?"

We said that we didn't want to share, which is why we booked two singles.

Prop: "Well, I can try to get you in to some other B&Bs but I doubt I'll get anywhere at the weekend in Bath. Are you sure you won't share? I've just come back from a camp where I had to share with 8 other girls and I had a great time" [Quite what the relevance of this was, rather escaped us]

We then found ourselves having to justify our outlandish request for single rooms (basically because I snore stentoriously, of which more some other time).

The final outcome was that my 3 friends shared a twin-bedded room with a mattress shoehorned into a spare corner whilst I slept in splendid isolation in a twin room upstairs. This was bad enough, but as I was waiting on the landing for us all to assemble for our walk, I could hear the landlady downstairs describing our mad desire for single rooms to another resident in very loud terms and explaining the rationale for this (my snoring). This was one of those times when you feel about 5 years old again.

The first collection of stories - "Steady Past Your Granny's" is now available in Kindle e-book format at Amazon UK and Amazon USA


There's more about my snoring issue at It Started With A Snore