Slim Pickings

This is the continuing story of how Steady Past Your Granny's found its way into print, and eventually an e-book format - Steady Past Your Granny's - Kindle Edition (UK) or Steady Past Your Granny's - Kindle Edition (USA) - that commenced in Booked Up!

Before I could get my 'expanded booklets' printed there was one further river to cross - the ISBN number needed to be converted into a bar code format.  This proved tricky unless I was willing to part with a considerable amount of money.  As my foray into self-publishing had already cost quite a bit more than I anticipated and showed no signs of generating any income in the foreseeable future, I was not inclined to sink any more funds into what was rapidly becoming something of a money pit.


However, diligent searching of the internet finally threw up an altruistic computer buff who offered conversion of ISBNs into bar codes for a limited period under licence for a modest sum.  Regrettably, because I am a dyed in the wool idiot, I only converted the one ISBN number I needed there and then into a bar code in the paid-for period, instead of taking the opportunity to convert the whole set of ten for future use.  It's at times like that, that I wonder how I manage to breathe without the aid of instructions.


So, with the cover sorted and the bar code obtained, my friend set to with a will and supplied me with my initial (and probably hopelessly optimistic) order of 50 copies.  In conjunction with the local Ottaker's a book-signing event was arranged and a friend of mine who was then the Deputy Editor of a local newspaper kindly ran a story plugging this.  Looking at the picture they ran with the article (see below) you may be amazed that anyone dared to turn up!  I always  think it looks like someone who is attempting to breed chins for a living.

Slim Chance

This is the continuing story of how Steady Past Your Granny's found its way into print, and eventually an e-book format - Steady Past Your Granny's - Kindle Edition (UK) or Steady Past Your Granny's - Kindle Edition (USA) - that commenced in Booked Up!

There is nothing quite so frustrating as waiting for something that you have eagerly anticipated, to arrive through the post.  Each day I irrationally expected my parcel to appear, and each day I was disappointed.  Days turned into weeks and then months.  Christmas (which was when I hoped to have them) came and went.  I chased the marketing company responsible for the promotion and was fobbed off with vague promises of the books arriving shortly.  I even found a discussion forum in which hordes of other prospective authors were venting their spleen about their missing books.  Eventually, in April, 2006, the books finally arrived.

I have to admit that the books were impressive.  They looked the business (see Booked Up!) and were reassuringly weighty.  Even the pictures had transferred successfully.  The only downside was that I had been forced to choose between single or double spaced lines and had opted for double spacing in a desperate attempt to make the book look better value than it actually was.  The end result was something like those Janet and John books of my childhood.  Nevertheless, I now had a book of my own in my hot little hands.  After foisting a number onto my friends and relatives, I naturally began to think about selling the remainder.  However, I soon came up against a snag in that the major bookshop in our town (whilst quite supportive of my attempts) could not stock the book without an ISBN.

I seemed to be back to square one again, until a friend of ours in the same village said that he could help me to self-publish the book.  The only problem would be that it could not be in a conventional book format, with a spine.  As a home published effort, it would be more like an expanded booklet.  To keep the number of pages down to a level that could be realistically stapled, it was no longer possible for each chapter to start on a new page.  Nevertheless, the book could be published and printed (after a fashion) and I hurriedly applied for my set of ISBN numbers.

Casting around for a suitable photo for the cover, I remembered that the urinal that featured in the final title story had just been rescued, refurbished and granted pride of place in what was then the Bass Museum of Brewing.  It was too good a chance to miss.  Armed with a camera and a ticket to the museum, my long-suffering wife captured a picture of me striding purposefully toward the Convenience, thus creating a picture that would baffle and perplex potential readers for years to come!

More in the same vein in the next instalment - Slim Pickings