tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39580781117655918152024-03-25T11:52:02.020-07:00The Slightly Odd World of Phil WhitelandEnter the slightly odd world of Phil Whiteland for a different view of today and yesterday that you might just find amusing.Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.comBlogger357125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-49407450886809369752022-11-09T12:32:00.000-08:002022-11-09T12:32:07.223-08:00"There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool..."<p> <!--[if !mso]>
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</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: center;"><br /></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: center;"><b><i><u><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></u></i></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u></u></i></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRLyheUkmCIi9QddeurtOheXS4V51Xzw4qMJH1o7xKkzlTZLUrf3dA_juJejVdtHCgwgwaEi8PtbbpQgvm2o8OGNnayNAUEjOdIBPQrewyUD-r0U8yTWIJlxtWRf4N7JgF81wK2NGdY1zSQ_U1yHEeAWHxn07jm8lk60TQbFzhEtyV9dz9Weslcufkg/s829/The%20Albert%20and%20the%20Lion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="829" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRLyheUkmCIi9QddeurtOheXS4V51Xzw4qMJH1o7xKkzlTZLUrf3dA_juJejVdtHCgwgwaEi8PtbbpQgvm2o8OGNnayNAUEjOdIBPQrewyUD-r0U8yTWIJlxtWRf4N7JgF81wK2NGdY1zSQ_U1yHEeAWHxn07jm8lk60TQbFzhEtyV9dz9Weslcufkg/s320/The%20Albert%20and%20the%20Lion.jpg" width="247" /></a></u></i></b></div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><br /><span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"></span></u></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"></span></u></i></b><p></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>The Albert and the Lion pub and Tower</i></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: center;"><b><u><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></u></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The opening line
of the monologue, made famous by Stanley Holloway, ‘The Lion and Albert’ and
written by Marriott Edgar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should know
as I’ve taken to closing my ‘Pictures of an Exhibition’ talk with a rendition
of this (for reasons which will become clear if you come along to one of the
Talks some time 😊 )<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
following line is <i>“that’s noted for fresh air and fun”</i>, which I’ve
always regarded, perhaps unfairly, as being somewhat dubious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the proof of the pudding and all that,
so when my wife suggested we should take a short break and see the Blackpool Illuminations,
I put aside my doubts and agreed to give it a go.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You know that expression
that goes ‘if something appears to be too good to be true, it probably is’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I really should have taken that on
board when we were searching for somewhere to stay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cast around for some time on one of the
online booking sites and kept hitting problems with the possible options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were either (a) booked up, or (b) had
vacancies but dire reviews, or (c) had vacancies and good reviews but nowhere
to park (which seems to be a common problem with Blackpool, probably because most
of the properties were built in an age when the motor car was a niche
concern).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We finally came across an
option (d), vacancies, great reviews, just off the Front and an unbelievable
price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It still didn’t have anywhere to
park but, what the heck, it was dirt cheap!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We couldn’t believe our luck!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
trawled through all of the reviews and they were overwhelmingly positive and
gushed with praise for the hosts and the standard of the breakfast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We checked the on-site pictures, which showed
a basic but contemporary and nicely decorated establishment and all of the
reviews had remarked on the standard of cleanliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The main aspect was the price – just £90 for
three nights for the room and breakfast!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>£15 each per night!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could you
turn down such value?</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Armed with our
booking, we set off yesterday (Tuesday, 8<sup>th</sup> November) for our autumnal
break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a certain foreboding about the
whole venture, which wasn’t helped as we set off in a torrential downpour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a slog up the M6 (which can’t be anyone’s
idea of fun) we finally landed in Blackpool just as dusk was beginning to fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We found our venue but had to drive around
the block a couple of times to find a sliver of on-street parking, so that we
could off-load our luggage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has to be
said that driving around the back streets of Blackpool is not an enervating
experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blackpool has a somewhat ‘Potemkin
Village’ quality to it, in that the Front is exactly what you would expect from
a premier British seaside resort but the streets leading off it leave a lot to
be desired.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">After spending a
fraught few minutes doing my ‘reverse parking’ bit, generally known as my ‘Reginal
Molehusband’ moment (do you remember that Government Information film from
years ago?) I was perhaps not in the best frame of mind as we heaved our bags
from the car and marched along the wet pavements to our hotel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clutching my phone, on which I had the email
instructions as to how to access the front door and the door to our room (there
being no staff present at that time in the afternoon) we negotiated our way
past the key pad and entered the hall way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was somewhat less than impressive, being a narrow corridor with various
anonymous doors off and a steep flight of stairs to the right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sign indicated that our room would be up
these stairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Three flights of extremely
steep and narrow stairs later* we finally came across our room, which was at
the very top of the property.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">There are many
reactions you can have when first entering a hotel room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one you hope for is joy and excitement,
which usually stems from the room offering far more than you anticipated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This rarely happens, but it’s nice (and
memorable) when it does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More often the
standard British phrase that springs to the lips is “Well, this’ll do, won’t
it?”, which usually means that it actually matches what you had expected,
perhaps even a little more so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What you
don’t want is that feeling of your heart sinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our hearts sank at a rate that would have
given the Titanic pause for thought.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I think the best,
and most accurate description of the room would be…depressing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a narrow room with two single beds,
one placed at either end, the bedding on these looked as if it had been chosen
in the 1960s and no-one had heard a convincing reason to change it in the
interim. At the far end of the room was a net-curtained window looking out onto
the roofs and backs of the properties behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To the right of the window was the en-suite facility, which consisted of
a hand basin with a soap dispenser (devoid of soap), a toilet and a shower
cubicle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Above the bed nearest the
window, was a very small flat screen TV, that had been attached to the wall at
a crazy angle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wife and I put our
bags down and surveyed our surroundings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The light outside was falling rapidly and our room was dimly illuminated
by an overhead light which cast a yellow pall over our accommodation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Presumably, if the photos of the
establishment were to be believed, this was what you got if you only paid £30
per night.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">We faced each
other, glumly, and tried to second-guess the other’s reaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In an effort to instil a degree of optimism,
and as a first bid in what I guessed would be our subsequent negotiation, I
pointed out that “there’s a hairdryer down there on the side table, we weren’t
expecting that!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hotel information
had advised that a hairdryer could be provided on request and, as no
self-respecting Briton would possibly be caught asking for something as effete
as a hairdryer, we had brought our own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My wife did not look as if this was the best news she had received all
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made another bid “I suppose I had
better go and find somewhere to park the car?” I suggested, without any real
hope of this being a likely scenario.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She looked miserably around the room and said “I don’t think I can stay
here”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As this had also been my gut reaction,
it was with some relief that I said “Well, we won’t then”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">There followed
some frantic searching online for alternative accommodation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given our failure with independent hotels, I
opted for the tried and trusted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Premier
Inns were sold out for miles around, which was disappointing but not unexpected
at this late stage in the game but, hurrah!, there was a Travelodge, with vacancies
for the night, just a hop, skip and a jump from where we were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the work of a moment to book for the
night and it was with slightly lighter hearts that we hauled our bags back down
the steep stairs to the corridor below.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Another tour
around the mean streets of Blackpool, with the rain bucketing down again, we
found our home for the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now we had
a modern room, with a King-size bed, plenty of room and lighting, very nice
en-suite facilities, a large flat screen TV and a very effective, temperature
controlled, radiator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apart from the
frustration of trying to pay online for the car park (don’t ask!) this was a
huge improvement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Admittedly, the cost
of the room for the night was just £10 short of the cost of three nights at our
previous accommodation but, for the sake of our sanity, it was well worth it.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">We went down to
get a bite to eat and a drink and plan our evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bar was crowded, mostly with men, and we
had a job to find a vacant table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind
the bar the one lad who had been manning Reception was also trying to serve a
queue of people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it came to my
turn, and I asked if I could order some food, I was told there would be a 1
hour and 15 minute wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given that we
hadn’t seen any alternative eating establishments in the vicinity, I said, in
answer to the inevitable question “Is that alright?”, that it would have to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nursing my pint at the table and reflecting
on the rather unfortunate occurrences of the day, I noticed that a lot of our
companions seemed to be sporting Middlesborough football scarves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A quick check on the internet revealed that
our Travelodge was directly across the road from Bloomfield Road Stadium, the
home of Blackpool FC and the venue for that <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>evening’s match between Blackpool and
Middlesborough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all fairness, our
compatriots were no problem, apart from some fairly fruity language at times
and a depressing habit of falling into football chants with little
encouragement.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">As the match
neared its commencement, the room cleared, leaving a sea of empty glasses and
bottles and our food miraculously appeared, considerably earlier than the
expected hour and a quarter delay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we
munched our burgers (the menu was a bit limited) I watched the rain splatting
against the window and asked my wife if she still wanted to see the
illuminations?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she thought she
had seen enough of Blackpool for one day, so we retired to the relative warmth
and comfort of our room.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The following
morning, we went to breakfast as early as we could, anticipating a repeat of
the previous evening’s crush, but it was much more sedate and less
crowded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was going to say that we then
packed our bags but, in all honesty, we had never unpacked them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We confirmed with each other that we were
still fine to go home and we both agreed we were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I could not, in all conscience,
visit a seaside resort and never see the sea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So we put our bags in the car and marched, resolutely, seawards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There, on the Front, we could see the Big Dipper
in the distance in one direction, in the other, Blackpool Tower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In front, a strong wind caused a grey sea to
lash at the nearby promenade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We viewed
the scene, we looked at each other, we nodded and headed back to the car
park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had done our duty, as British
Citizens, and now we wanted to go back to the ‘privy of our own home’ as Benny
Hill used to put it.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Unpacking later,
I remarked that it’s not often you get to take half of your wardrobe on a 200+
mile journey just for the fun of it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
gave a wry smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was illuminating!</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">P.S. If you’re
interested, Middlesborough won 3 – 0, which might explain the somewhat more
sedate atmosphere at breakfast!</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 14.2pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">* I was tempted
to say that we passed a mountain goat on the way up, but that would have got me
into one of those off-colour jokes about always knowing when you’ve passed a
mountain goat because you can’t get the toilet lid down, which I’m sure you
wouldn’t have appreciated?</span></p>
<p></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-11294721381895970592022-04-01T03:25:00.003-07:002022-04-01T03:26:41.213-07:00April Fool Minus One!<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I haven't noticed many (if any) April Fool-type gags in the news and social media today, which I suppose is understandable. There really isn't a lot to laugh at in the world, at the moment. However, I rather think that Mother Nature has decided to play a few tricks of her own in the absence of any human endeavour.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">This all started yesterday, March 31st, which makes sense as there is no logical reason why Mother Nature should find herself bound by the Gregorian calendar. I wandered downstairs, in my usual bleary state, and opened the curtains in the cat's bedroom. Yes, I know that sounds rather grand. In reality, she has the run of the Dining Room at night and I'm sure she thinks of it in those terms. Anyway, I pulled back the curtains and was greeted by bright blue skies and some very welcome Spring sunshine. Nodding appreciatively, I shuffled into the kitchen to perform the same function. I pulled on the cord to raise the roller blind and was greeted by...BLIZZARD! All you could see was whirling snow.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Now, I like a laugh as much as the next person, but this was more than a bit disconcerting!</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Later in the same morning, as I was enjoying a contemplative shave, I heard a quacking sound. This isn't entirely unusual as we have what is grandly called a 'lake' just down the road from where we live but which is actually a duck pond. From time to time, the residents of the 'lake' potter up our cul-de-sac to see what's going on. What made this unusual was that it seemed to be coming from close to our bedroom window. I looked out, and saw this:</span></p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-AfiGwaTuDhmQD3we_Wao2fkZJ0PXYeK9WDwKNVy33B0oIjvgQYmAkN_alhEjByrVrBzkRNjbN4YbXRQJC4PKhjha1Ws8_XJfAdr5hBoRpt4-IxnXoplFIsOqg0_D1XEQk87Nbjzv-hmji1yv6VnxXcd82RIz9cq_00wqhh6avV5GvvhndNwx9QNivw/s1030/Ducks%20on%20roof%20cropped%2001.04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="752" data-original-width="1030" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-AfiGwaTuDhmQD3we_Wao2fkZJ0PXYeK9WDwKNVy33B0oIjvgQYmAkN_alhEjByrVrBzkRNjbN4YbXRQJC4PKhjha1Ws8_XJfAdr5hBoRpt4-IxnXoplFIsOqg0_D1XEQk87Nbjzv-hmji1yv6VnxXcd82RIz9cq_00wqhh6avV5GvvhndNwx9QNivw/w400-h293/Ducks%20on%20roof%20cropped%2001.04.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"> <span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Is it me, or what? Surely ducks don't roost in the normal way of things? They haven't got the right feet for perching on narrow ledges or, as in this case, the apex of our neighbour's roof!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Something is clearly going on and, from the evidence, it would seem that the ducks are in on it. I await further developments. </span><br /></div><br /> <br /><p></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-42101326747917483962022-02-07T04:26:00.004-08:002022-02-07T04:26:34.662-08:00"You've got to fight, for the right, to..."<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <i>From time to time, I let my Undertakers comment on topical issues. </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>This is one of those times 😉</i></span></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEin43VfZRnNV0U7lK5FBykW0rUPfKCCxeneKRM6FXzXYnVfbr5G2b7lgJDV9GUVtkBvU5DV5IeJUIf2w9kOH-WugfYn-IqnCk9HFX5M_CXcEGyi3HMdqjv6U9LCM85CEzwK_qK-ejyMZrdZ6f5gHhoYjy77XHE-6PEPourf_X5XipDtYPsN3sOmpiWGeg=s768" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="615" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEin43VfZRnNV0U7lK5FBykW0rUPfKCCxeneKRM6FXzXYnVfbr5G2b7lgJDV9GUVtkBvU5DV5IeJUIf2w9kOH-WugfYn-IqnCk9HFX5M_CXcEGyi3HMdqjv6U9LCM85CEzwK_qK-ejyMZrdZ6f5gHhoYjy77XHE-6PEPourf_X5XipDtYPsN3sOmpiWGeg=s320" width="256" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--></p><p>
</p><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Archibald Thurble took a deep
breath, attempted to straighten his permanently lopsided jacket, gave up the
unequal struggle and knocked smartly on the door of his employer.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Come!” Josiah Oakshott intoned from
the other side of the door.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Archibald peered around the door,
as if expecting to be set upon by some unseen dark force.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Satisfied that the coast was clear, he
shambled forward to the desk, on which Josiah appeared to be making a series of
important notes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that this was
actually his shopping list and that, apparently occupying himself with some
important document or other, was a device that Josiah had long utilised to
reinforce the pecking order when entertaining guests in his office, was something
that Josiah intended to keep firmly to himself.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ah, Archibald!” Josiah glanced
up from his apparently meticulous notes, at his employee, who took this as an
indication to slide toward the chair opposite, “no, there’s no need to sit, Archibald,
I won’t detain you for more than a moment” Josiah said, sharply.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Archibald, somewhat discomfited,
aborted his manoeuvre and stood, tugging at the sleeves of his jacket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah completed his writing and looked up.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Thank you for coming to see me
so promptly, Archibald…”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No problem, Mr. O.”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I’m delighted to hear it.”
Josiah gave a weak smile, “Archibald, I’ve called you in today because I must
inform you that I will not require you to provide pall-bearing duties today or,
for that matter, the rest of this week”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“You what, Mr. O.?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Archibald looked more than usually puzzled.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“By which, I mean” Josiah sighed,
heavily, “that you will not be required to be involved in any customer-facing
duties for the remainder of this week”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, I don’t usually face them,
Mr. O., on account of I’m driving and they’re in the back!” Archibald
protested.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It’s just an expression,
Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to be taken
literally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It means that I do not want
you to be involved with our clients, in any capacity, this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that clear?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh, right” Archibald’s bottom
lip quivered a little. “Any particular reason, Mr. O.?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, I would have thought that
would have been perfectly obvious” Josiah snapped.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Archibald frowned in
concentration as he attempted to figure that particular conundrum out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a considering a number of
possibilities, each more unlikely than the other, he gave up and said,</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Josiah sighed again, shook his
head and explained,</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It is apparent to me, Archibald,
that you have been engaging in fisticuffs!”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Come again, Mr. O.?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“You appear to have been
fighting, Archibald”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What makes you think that then,
Mr. O.?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Archibald looked perplexed.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, the two black eyes, the
swollen and bruised nose and the cut upper lip were something of a giveaway”
Josiah pointed out, sarcastically.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh, right, and you think I’ve
been brawling!” Archibald chuckled.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, haven’t you?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Nah, I’ve never had a fight in
my life!” Archibald grinned, “this isn’t from fighting, it’s from drumming!”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Drumming?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had no idea it was such a dangerous occupation!”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It isn’t, most of the time,”
Archibald conceded, “it’s just…I can’t afford to have proper drumming lessons,
see?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, I’m with you so far” Josiah
nodded, cautiously.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“So, I’m having to follow these
videos what you can get online.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s
loads of ‘em by all these blokes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
mostly blokes and they’re usually American” Archibald explained, “They’ve
usually got shaved heads and look like someone you wouldn’t want to meet down a
dark alley but, any road, they all reckon they can turn you into a genius
drummer if you just do this exercise, or that, or summat else, for five minutes
a day”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“And how does this relate to
your…” Josiah vaguely indicated Archibald’s facial injuries.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ah yeah, well I was coming to
that” Archibald nodded, “there was this one exercise what involved doing summat
really tricky by crossing your hands over so as how you were hitting stuff with
your right hand what you would usually hit with your left and the other way
about, if you get my drift?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I think I follow” Josiah nodded.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, like I’ve said before, I
get my left and right mixed up sometimes” Archibald blushed a little, “and this
exercise what he had us doing was a bit complex, and you had to do it pretty
sharpish otherwise it sounded like nothing on earth”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I can well believe it” Josiah
smiled, thinly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“So, I’m trying to follow what he
reckons we should be doing, only I get totally confused and I only finish up
with one drumstick clouting me in the face and the other shoved up me left
nostril, don’t I?” Archibald looked suitably downcast.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I er, I can see how that might
be somewhat unfortunate” Josiah sympathised, whilst trying to suppress a
chuckle.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I don’t reckon I’m going to do
any more of his lessons, life’s too short” Archibald shook his head, sadly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Nevertheless, it is commendable
that you have applied yourself to your studies in such a fashion” Josiah
consoled him, “I’m sure you will find a mentor that better suits your
particular learning style”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, I hope so, Mr. O.”
Archibald sighed, “’cause I was trying to get a few tricky bits under my belt,
on account of how we might have this gig coming up”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“This would be your ensemble
‘Dead Set’, I take it?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yeah, that’s right” Archibald
grinned, with some difficulty given his injuries.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I would have thought that,
accepting a ‘gig’ of any description, might a something of a triumph of hope
over experience, given that, as you previously informed me, your little ‘beat
combo’ only know one song, and that imperfectly?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, that’s why I was practicing
with them videos” Archibald pointed out, “’cause I was hoping to get at least a
couple more tunes under me belt”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Laudable though that may be, I
would severely doubt that three tunes in all would be sufficient to warrant a
live appearance?” </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, it’s not like it’s owt
professional” Archibald shook his head, “it’s just a “work event”” He framed
the words with the forefingers of both hands and grinned broadly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Is it some form of naked puppet
show?” Josiah looked suitably puzzled.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Nah!” Archibald giggled, “I mean
“work event”, like someone’s party!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
know, it’s what everyone’s saying now… since that business at No. 10”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh, now I understand” Josiah
nodded, “you are referring to the unfortunate events that are alleged to have
occurred in Downing Street during the recent pandemic restrictions?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yeah, that’s it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It ain’t right, is it Mr. O.?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I make it a practice never to
discuss politics in the workplace, Archibald”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, yeah but, what with
parties for someone leaving, parties for someone getting the push, birthday
parties and ‘bring your own bottle’ parties, I reckon they’ve had more parties
in a few months than I’ve had in my whole life!”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It would appear that there was a
somewhat erm, jovial and relaxed atmosphere pervading” Josiah steepled his
fingers and rested his chin on the result.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“And, on top of that, while they
were having it large down in Downing Street, I’d got a bloke threatening to
punch my lights out because he couldn’t have a ruck of people at his Mam’s
funeral”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ah yes, you are referring to the
unfortunate Mr. Blunt <i>(see </i><a href="https://www.abctales.com/story/philwhiteland/distance"><i>‘From A
Distance’</i></a>) who had anticipated a large family gathering for his
mother’s funeral but found he was restricted to six mourners” Josiah
remembered, with a visible shudder.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ar, that’s him!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you remember how you were all stressed
out ‘cause you thought you might have to get some bouncers on account of the
chance of hundreds of people turning up for funerals and you getting fined for it?”
(<i>see ‘</i><a href="https://www.abctales.com/story/philwhiteland/thin-black-line"><i>The Thin
Black Line’</i></a>)</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I would acknowledge that these
alleged gatherings would tend to grate, somewhat, with those of us who endured
considerable privations whilst adhering to the restrictions appertaining at the
time” Josiah mused.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Me Nan’s fit to be tied!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She says she didn’t go for months without
being able to go to ‘The King of Prussia’ just so that they could get rat…”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Josiah looked at him,
quizzically.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Erm, a bit merry?” Archibald
suggested, lamely.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, I take her point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, none of this is currently proven and
I understand that the matter is being probed by the relevant law enforcement
authorities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nevertheless, leaving all
this to one side, we must address your facial injuries”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh yeah, sorry about that Mr.
O.” Archibald looked crestfallen.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Do not concern yourself,
Archibald, I’m satisfied that your injuries are not the consequence of
misconduct on your part”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yeah but, I don’t suppose you
want me out there with the punters, do you?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I would prefer the term
‘clients’, Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, you are
correct in your assumption. Regardless of the origin of your injuries, our
clients might well arrive at the same, albeit erroneous, conclusion as I
did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, I must, regrettably,
‘confine you to barracks’ for the remainder of the week” Josiah made the same
‘inverted comma’ motions with his hands, that Archibald had made previously.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Hey, now you’re doing the naked
puppet show thing!” Archibald chuckled.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, indeed.” Josiah frowned at
his hands, “That is a habit I must shed with some alacrity!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the rest of the week, you will focus on
your duties within our workshop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
will be all, for now, Archibald” Josiah returned to his shopping list.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Archibald nodded and set off for
the office door, until a thought occurred to him.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">"It makes you think,
dunnit?" He suggested.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Josiah paused his notation,
lifted his head and raised a speculative eyebrow.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">"In what way would that be,
Archibald?"</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Well, if they were that
sloshed all the time, how did they ever get owt done? I mean, running
the country and all that?"</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">"On the contrary,
Archibald" Josiah returned to his writing, "I rather think it
explains a great deal!"</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Hey up, now there’s no
restrictions to speak of, is there any chance we might have a ‘work event’ here,
Mr. O.?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He winked broadly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I think we see quite enough of
each other, within a work setting, Archibald, without further expanding our
horizons” Josiah said, determinedly, without looking up from his notes.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Right you are, Mr. O.” Archibald
grinned and headed off to his restricted duties.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><i>You can find a lot more from Josiah and Archibald in the two collections of their stories, available in Kindle format, "<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank">A Dubious Undertaking and other stories</a>" and "<a href="http://getbook.at/graveexpectations" target="_blank">Grave Expectations</a>" </i></b><br /></span></p>
Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-48951527637342842592021-11-21T03:44:00.000-08:002021-11-21T03:44:17.102-08:00An Introduction from India<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>As 19th November is PUBLICATION DAY for the new 'Waggy Dog Tales 2' book with both the Kindle and Print editions
now available, India and Rohan are wagging their tails fit to
burst! So, to celebrate, we thought we would share the Introduction
that India (well, mostly India) supplied for the book...</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i></i></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg90yD9-7BJtYLQeyMDf_L394siuVkNRV8XfnO7yJFBpr87HSBDLm5ItHgw3ajmnH3pWzNU69jXgQBVXcLTOaBisPb8eiIrypiiwnVegpCubX7pbjcvrigUpwcLH5NbLhkJCu-yc9i8CYuU/s960/196594285_4014156111971172_5284291451000302135_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg90yD9-7BJtYLQeyMDf_L394siuVkNRV8XfnO7yJFBpr87HSBDLm5ItHgw3ajmnH3pWzNU69jXgQBVXcLTOaBisPb8eiIrypiiwnVegpCubX7pbjcvrigUpwcLH5NbLhkJCu-yc9i8CYuU/s320/196594285_4014156111971172_5284291451000302135_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></i></div><i><br /> </i> <br /><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> “Hello!
I’m India and I’m a Learning Assistant here at TURN Education. I know a
lot of you followed the stories about me and Packham and we were really
pleased about that. Since we lost Packham, quite unexpectedly, when he
became very poorly, I’ve…”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Who’re you talkin’ to, Ninja?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I’m talking to the ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls who’ve been kind enough to buy this book of stories about me”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“And me!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, yes, and you but you need to go away because you’re not here yet”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What d’yer mean ‘I’m not here yet’?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I mean you’re not supposed to be in this part of the book!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Why not?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Because it’s about the whole year at TURN and, at the start of the
year, you weren’t here. It was just me, at Christmas, managing on my
own. So, right now, you’re not here”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Where am I then, Ninja?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, I suppose you’d still be in your mummy’s tummy?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Tho, right now, I’m in my mummy’th tummy?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, that’s right, which is why we shouldn’t be having this conversation. Now, as I was saying, since we lost Packham…”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It’th bigger than I thought”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What is?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“My mummy’th tummy”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“How do you know?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, jutht look around. Altho, it lookth a lot like our kitchen at home”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“That’s because it is our kitchen at home!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“You thaid it wath my mummy’th tummy!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No, I said that at this point in the book, where we haven’t even started the year yet, you wouldn’t be here”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ok, where am I?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh no, not again! Look, this is a book of stories about a year at TURN Education through the eyes of us dogs, right?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Right!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“At the start of the year, there’s only me here, because Packham left
us in October and you’re not here yet. So the stories start with me on
Christmas Eve…”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh great, do I get to thee Thanta?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No, of course you don’t get to see Santa! That’s the whole point of the story, there’s just me there to deal with things”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Aww…I can help if you like”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No, you can’t because you’re not here…and before you ask, I don’t know where you are, ok?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I’m jutht here, Ninja!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, [sighs deeply] I know you are. I’ve got your paw jammed in my
ear, apart from anything else! Look, I was going to introduce these
stories to the readers but I think I might as well give up and just let
them get on with it!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ok, Ninja. What’th a reader?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Somebody with a lot more patience than me, I hope! Let’s get out of the way and let them get on with the book”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ok, Ninja. Where are we going?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Just over there”</span></p>
<h5><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What, here?”</span></h5>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No, that’s not far enough away, a bit further”</span></p>
<h6><span style="font-family: verdana;">“How about here?”</span></h6>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, that’s much better! Now, as I was saying…”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I’m back!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“So I see, what happened?”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I got lonely over there on my own”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I give up! Here are some stories about a year at TURN Education with me, India…”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“And me, Rohan!”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“We hope you enjoy them”</span></p><p><b><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">You can enjoy the Kindle version for just £1.99 - <a href="http://getbook.at/WaggyDogTales2Kindle" target="_blank">Waggy Dog Tales 2 Kindle</a></span></i></b></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><i>or the paperback for just £4.99 (makes a great stocking-filler) - <a href="http://mybook.to/WaggyDogTales2Print" target="_blank">Waggy Dog Tales 2 Print </a> </i></b><i>All profits go to <a href="http://www.turneducation.co.uk" target="_blank">TURN Education </a>to support their wonderful work with children, young people and their families.</i><br /></span></p>
</div></div></div>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-75684045521444039252021-11-14T07:30:00.000-08:002021-11-14T07:30:06.865-08:00A Dog is not just for Christmas...but these two could be!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkYhwWTW2OCS6PCxA6TMNt4qhQp0Xdb0wj87ETpY_BNeHFtjDtHr8bil2qAOMkShgVDcEvEl4drdcSDxln7JGP8Tr6Ocx2Od2yDbS10-bA0fl7WTlXUajdDM1U67cFPBWzp2K_B0nqklP4/s960/196594285_4014156111971172_5284291451000302135_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkYhwWTW2OCS6PCxA6TMNt4qhQp0Xdb0wj87ETpY_BNeHFtjDtHr8bil2qAOMkShgVDcEvEl4drdcSDxln7JGP8Tr6Ocx2Od2yDbS10-bA0fl7WTlXUajdDM1U67cFPBWzp2K_B0nqklP4/s320/196594285_4014156111971172_5284291451000302135_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p></p><div class="" dir="auto"><div class="ecm0bbzt hv4rvrfc ihqw7lf3 dati1w0a" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id="jsc_c_l8"><div class="j83agx80 cbu4d94t ew0dbk1b irj2b8pg"><div class="qzhwtbm6 knvmm38d"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m" dir="auto"><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I promised you some news about Rohan and India, so here it is!</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">The brand new book of stories about their lives at TURN Education is now available as both a Kindle version and as a paperback. This is a book that will delight children and animal-lovers of all ages and makes the ideal stocking-filler. The Kindle version, just £1.99, is available for pre-order now and will be published on 19th November:</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="http://getbook.at/WaggyDogTales2Kindle?fbclid=IwAR0L3kYQm1iqDTJJP9YjdrHuyZNpsEs5u68FuY-EgVl6cBp7JBZqy5fGrb8" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" tabindex="0" target="_blank">http://getbook.at/WaggyDogTales2Kindle</a></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span> </span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Don't forget, you can now give Kindle books as a gift!<span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"></span><span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"><br /></span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">The paperback version is available to order now from Amazon at just £4.99 but, we would much prefer it if you would order it directly from us as then we can maximise the amount that goes to TURN Education. To order your copy please send £4.99 plus £1.75 p&p to <span><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="http://paypal.me/philwhiteland?fbclid=IwAR0u7oTY_AC4GYAuf62i3Dm5N-KageP54IOdkWWywoczeWV-6A93GnzN5nQ" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" tabindex="0" target="_blank">paypal.me/philwhiteland</a></span> and don't forget to include the name and address you want the book sending to. If you would like the book signed, please let us know. <br /></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Enjoy a year in the life of Rohan and India and all of the animals at TURN Education <span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"><img alt="🙂" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t4c/1/16/1f642.png" width="16" /></span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="http://mybook.to/WaggyDogTales2Print?fbclid=IwAR1rbwj9bOGaQidzxjsNtS00_-dtYmpdcJiFQmgSYZFRrs_skpw0qcGZ0ok" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" tabindex="0" target="_blank">http://mybook.to/WaggyDogTales2Print</a></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span>Here's the blurb:</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><em>A year in the life of the dogs (and other animals) at TURN
Education. Beginning with the first Christmas without Packham and how
India coped on Christmas Eve. Then introducing the newest member of the
team, Rohan, and how he and India came to understand each other, along
with everyone else on the care farm. Featuring an all-star cast of
donkeys, goats, ducks, cats and, oddly enough, a wood louse! This is a
book that animal-loving children of all ages will enjoy.</em><span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtbtI7QaVQEKxeTjEmO8pxacgXRqHp5kV0byuWgx1gjK2ihOW3HiNNee0nNOyhUZjtwvkXwaQIQrPmWVIh4vUQYHs5YpTw0-TTJvqtnIZi7A3oUYtyZ04u6wT5KE7hbh3O7OUcDrVnyw0/s1505/WDT2+8th+iteration.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1165" data-original-width="1505" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtbtI7QaVQEKxeTjEmO8pxacgXRqHp5kV0byuWgx1gjK2ihOW3HiNNee0nNOyhUZjtwvkXwaQIQrPmWVIh4vUQYHs5YpTw0-TTJvqtnIZi7A3oUYtyZ04u6wT5KE7hbh3O7OUcDrVnyw0/s320/WDT2+8th+iteration.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> </span></div></div></span></span></div></div></div></div><p><br /> </p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-52833397874361456512021-10-22T03:54:00.000-07:002021-10-22T03:54:01.803-07:00Packham<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkMXORdVhsrWEva897TIqWAMVX_X7nbp5Gzp31JTLHM7-uD9stKuul5w9wI5lklYEK5poeiSGYCrjc-BiGjHkK6xXzsBOTG8cMBXKKlS0zOdHghr_tUzLqC4aogr8WJ6F7sdwsh7BCKi_x/s800/PhotoMeettheTeam-Packham.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkMXORdVhsrWEva897TIqWAMVX_X7nbp5Gzp31JTLHM7-uD9stKuul5w9wI5lklYEK5poeiSGYCrjc-BiGjHkK6xXzsBOTG8cMBXKKlS0zOdHghr_tUzLqC4aogr8WJ6F7sdwsh7BCKi_x/s320/PhotoMeettheTeam-Packham.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><div class="content">
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span dir="auto">One
year ago this month we lost this chap, leaving a huge Chocolate
Labrador-shaped hole in the hearts of everyone who knew and loved him.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Ironically, we were just about to publish the first collection of
stories about Packham, and his companion India, as a paperback to raise
funds for TURN Education. Caroline, TURN's founder, decided we should go
ahead, in Packham's memory.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The original idea was to sell these at Open Days etc. but the
pandemic rather scuppered that! We wanted to sell them ourselves as that
ensured that at least £2 would go to TURN, whereas sales through Amazon
only generated a handful of pence! </span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">However, we are now making the book available as a Kindle e-book for
the first time at just £1.99 (of which £1.22 goes to TURN, the rest to
Amazon). </span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">You get a whole series of heartwarming and amusing stories about
Packham and India that every child will love and, don't forget, you can
now give Kindle books as a gift! This is the blurb for the book:</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><em>"A collection of amusing and heart-warming stories about Packham
and India, the two dogs at TURN Education. Although written for
children, we strongly expect quite a few adults will enjoy the jokes and
situations that arise as Packham and India try to make sense of their
world. Starting from when India was just a puppy and learning the ropes
(although she always had the measure of Packham) through to them moving
to the smallholding where they, and the rest of the animals, then lived.
Finally, coming up to date and introducing some familiar faces around
TURN. All profits from the sale of this collection go to TURN Education
to help with their remarkable animal -related therapy work with
children, young people and their families. Sadly, after a brief and
entirely unexpected illness, Packham passed away just as this book was
being finalised for publication. Caroline insisted that this book should
still be published in memory of Packham and to celebrate his life, and
the joy and love he brought to everyone who knew him. This is for
Packham."</em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><em>You can see more about the Kindle edition by following this <u><strong><a class="ext" href="http://mybook.to/WaggyDogTalesKindle" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">link<span aria-label="(link is external)" class="ext"></span></a></strong></u></em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><strong><em>Coming soon, and certainly before Christmas (hopefully)
'Waggy Dog Tales 2', the further adventures of India and Rohan (as seen
on ABCtales)</em></strong></span></p>
</div></div></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-79171630112734650892021-10-05T03:31:00.000-07:002021-10-05T03:31:09.749-07:00From A Dithtanthe!<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><i>From time to time I've been publishing stories about the two dogs and all of the other animals at TURN Education. You can find the latest stories on ABCtales, just follow this <a href="https://www.abctales.com/story/philwhiteland/slugs-snails-and-puppy-dog-tales" target="_blank">link</a>. For some unknown reason, I couldn't upload this recent story to that site, so I'm sharing it here. Hope you enjoy it!</i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><i> </i></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu4hwSft1w-zGnaO0QGWrrlUp3lvJy8r_8xWyzsz8TLdbYK8HRF_HyPKehUNDjEVE4bbEwLsiIUrVEumnyNJBHnbhxGVYldjq9oBBzA7ErlSf7VDD-4nt38J_PRIqufKchdGVOgTUkwb06/s960/196594285_4014156111971172_5284291451000302135_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu4hwSft1w-zGnaO0QGWrrlUp3lvJy8r_8xWyzsz8TLdbYK8HRF_HyPKehUNDjEVE4bbEwLsiIUrVEumnyNJBHnbhxGVYldjq9oBBzA7ErlSf7VDD-4nt38J_PRIqufKchdGVOgTUkwb06/w300-h400/196594285_4014156111971172_5284291451000302135_n.jpg" width="300" /></a></i></b></div><b><i><br /></i></b><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><i> </i></b></span></p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
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</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">India was snoozing peacefully in her crate, warmed by a
handy shaft of autumnal sunshine shining through the kitchen window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She heard, but tried to ignore, the pad, pad,
pad of Labrador paws progressing from the kitchen door across the stone-tiled
floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually the padding stopped
and a shadow fell across her face.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Erm” the shadow ventured.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What?” India asked, crossly, with her eyes tightly shut.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I don’t like to worry you…” Rohan (the owner of the shadow)
began.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“But you’re going to, aren’t you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is it that, when anyone says ‘I don’t
want to worry you…’, ‘worry you’ is exactly what they do?” India grumbled,
still with her eyes firmly shut.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Only…it’th Mom” Rohan explained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India jumped up, fully awake immediately.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What about her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What’s happened?” She asked, looking alarmed, and then, “what have you
done?” She asked, suspiciously.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing!” Rohan
was full of indignation.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Then what’s the matter?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It’s just…the’th wandering around the yard, talking to
herthelf” Rohan looked pleased to have got that off his mind, but also
concerned.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">India frowned more deeply still and thought about this for a
moment.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Come on, we’d better go an see what’s happening” She
announced.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rohan padded after her, out into the yard, only too pleased
to have shifted responsibility for this problem onto his older playmate.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Once out in the yard, Mom could be seen at the far end, one
arm outstretched, talking quite loudly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Perhaps she’s talking to the goats, or maybe the sheep?”
India suggested as she sat and observed.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rohan plonked himself down beside her and listened for a
while.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It doethn’t thound like thomething you would thay to the
goatth” He commented.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No, you’re right” India nodded, much to Rohan’s amazement,
“it doesn’t.” She thought for a while, before, “You know, I think I’ve seen
this before”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What happened?” Rohan asked, “did they have to go to the
Vet’th?” He suggested, gloomily.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Of course not!” India snapped, “people don’t go to the
Vet’s”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“There were loadth of people there when I went latht time”
Rohan pointed out.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, but they would have been there with their
animals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People don’t go to the Vet’s,
they go to a Doctor”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What’th the differenth?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rohan asked, reasonably.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India
thought, furiously, about this for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Eventually,</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“You don’t have to pay at a Doctor’s” She said, delighted to
have thought of a difference.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Why do you have to pay at a Vet’th?” </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, that’s obvious!” India snorted, “we’re clearly very
valuable, so it’s very expensive to make sure we stay well”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“And they’re not valuable?” Rohan nodded toward Mom, in the
distance, still talking to her outstretched hand.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">India looked at him for a while, and then shrugged (which is
very difficult for a dog to do).</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Anyway,” She said, “I’ve seen this before”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Tho, what happened?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, nothing really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It stopped after a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
something to do with that thing she’s got in her hand”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rohan and India peered into the distance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dogs’ eyesight isn’t anywhere near as
sensitive as their sense of smell, but they could just about make out the dim
outline of something in Mom’ hand.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What ith it?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, it’s that thing she sometimes stares at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, it lights up every now and then and
sometimes makes a noise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever she
looks at it, she either gets cross, and says a rude word, or sometimes she laughs”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh, yeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flynn’th
got one ath well”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“That’s right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Packham, who was here before me, he used to say that it was something
they could use to see and talk to people who were a long way away”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Like Flynn’th telethcope?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rohan suggested.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, no, not exactly” India frowned with the effort of
thinking. “You can’t talk to people through a telescope”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Otherwithe you could talk to the Man in the Moon” Rohan
grinned.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“There isn’t a Man in the Moon” India snapped.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“There ith!” Rohan said, indignantly, “I’ve theen hith
fathe!”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Fathe?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, face!”
India chuckled, “it’s not a face”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Lookth like one” Rohan said, grumpily.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It’s not a face!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s other things like…like…mountains!” India dredged that up from
something Flynn had told her ages ago.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Don’t be thilly!” Rohan giggled and rolled on the floor,
”how would you get thomething ath big ath a mountain on thomething ath tiny ath
the Moon?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It’s not tiny, it’s…oh, never mind!” India shook her head,
despairingly, “Anyway, if Packham was right, she’s talking to someone who is a
long way away”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Ith that why the’s thouting?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I suppose so” India conceded.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Do you think we thould go and thee if the’th alright?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes, that would be a good plan” India nodded, and set off
across the yard, with Rohan in hot pursuit.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Oh, and here are our dogs here at TURN!” Mom announced to
the thing in her hand, “hello lovely boy and lovely girl!” She scratched
Rohan’s head with one hand whilst the other pointed the thing at the two dogs.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Who did the thay that to?” Rohan asked, rolling over to get
his tummy tickled.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“No idea!” India admitted, bustling in to get her chest
rubbed.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Are you thure the won’t have to go to the Vet’th?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Shush! I’m listening” India cocked her head to one side and
listened intently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Ah, now I think I
know!” She smiled and looked very superior.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“What?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rohan looked
perplexed.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“She’s not just talking to one person, she’s talking to lots
of them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s doing it so that they
don’t all have to come here to see us”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Aww!” Rohan complained, “how can I lick them and get
cuddleth if they’re not here?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Not everyone wants to be licked by you!” India said,
sharply.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yeth, they do” Rohan said, confidently.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, anyway, it’s not a very big place, so if everyone
came to see us, at the same time, there wouldn’t be room for everyone, would
there?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Humph!” Rohan grumbled.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Well, would there?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>India raised one eyebrow.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Thuppothe not” Rohan conceded, testily.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“So, this is a way for lots of people to get to see TURN and
all of us here”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Through that thing?” </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Yes” India nodded.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Tho, if I licked that thing, I’d be licking loadth of
people?”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Erm, yes, I suppose so” India agreed, uncertainly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Right, I’m going to lick it!” Rohan bounded over toward
Mom.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Rohan!” India shouted, “Don’t!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll get in such trouble!”</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Rohan! Down!” Mom commanded, and Rohan dropped to his paws
instantly. “What’s the matter with you, you great soft licky thing?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said in a softer tone.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I told you!” India shook her head, sadly, as Rohan made his
way back to her.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Didn’t get in trouble though, did I?” He said, with a
smirk.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“You didn’t lick it, either” India pointed out.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“I’ll get it when the’th not looking, later” Rohan grinned.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“You’re impossible!” India frowned.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Thank you!” Rohan smiled, broadly.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“It’s not a compliment!” </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Come on, let’th go and lick a few duckth”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rohan bounded away across the yard.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“They don’t want to be licked…oh, I give up!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India sighed, as she lolloped after him.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You can see the video that Mom was making, and get a full
virtual tour of TURN Education in the process (including India and Rohan), by
following this <span style="color: red;"><b><a href="https://fb.watch/8ggkU-rW6V/" target="_blank">link </a></b></span>😊</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Don’t forget, you can buy the first book of ‘Waggy Dog
Tales’, featuring Packham and India, and help support TURN Education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just follow this <b><a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheFunnyPeculiar" target="_blank">link </a></b>and read the
instructions on the pinned post.</span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;">
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<![endif]--></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-10874873565148294592021-03-20T10:18:00.001-07:002021-03-20T10:18:24.034-07:00Don't Ask Me! I've No Idea.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjER4ZmZUrqjzKE6NdORA-TQgcHxXsH3Z0VWK2w00N-1sJknM_cZqrG9tjVNoI7Cxcqq2jE8Aahk7YEVrdcp7S8qyp5EW0i8C2iaR-Uc1wz5MYGPVfOQvLeSG3Up4RVsF8hYaAzhj_VEmJE/s1322/Cover+Resized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1322" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjER4ZmZUrqjzKE6NdORA-TQgcHxXsH3Z0VWK2w00N-1sJknM_cZqrG9tjVNoI7Cxcqq2jE8Aahk7YEVrdcp7S8qyp5EW0i8C2iaR-Uc1wz5MYGPVfOQvLeSG3Up4RVsF8hYaAzhj_VEmJE/s320/Cover+Resized.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://mybook.to/LadyandMaid" target="_blank"><b>The Chronicles of a Young Lady (and her Maid)</b></a></span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I've no idea how this happened, or, for that matter, why? All I know is that I had this snatch of dialogue going around in my head. Now,from past experience, I can do one of two things in this situation. Either (a) ignore it and hope it will go away - which it eventually will as my memory leaves a lot to be desired, or (b) commit it to paper and possibly do something with it in the future. I plumped for Option B, which is why we are where we are.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The really odd thing is that this snatch of dialogue related to an imaginary situation which could not be further from my usual literary inclinations if it tried. I never read historical fiction. I have little or no interest in historical fiction. So, what was this piece of dialogue about? It concerned a young noblewoman watching her betrothed riding off to battle whilst her maid busied herself in the background. Why would I be imagining anything so substantially removed from my comfort zone? It beats me!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">However, there we were. It started like this:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>"The young Lady stared wistfully out of the window in the
castle walls, a slight breeze ruffled her finery.</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“He looks so gallant, doesn’t he?” She said, to the room at
large.</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“Very nicely turned out, yes miss” The old lady, bustling
around behind her, agreed.</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“He’s using my scarf as his pennant, you know?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The young Lady said, with pride.</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“Hmmm, bright orange eh?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I should think the enemy will see him coming for miles”</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“And he will strike fear into their hearts!” The young Lady
said, loyally.</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“If you say so, miss”</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“I do say so!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he
will return victorious and bring glory to our House”</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“Like I say, if you say so, miss”</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“Don’t you think he will be victorious?” The young
Lady asked, suspiciously.</i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>“Put it this way, the lads in the kitchen have him at 20 –
1, which I reckon is bit on the generous side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Still, who knows, eh?”"</i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And I was hooked! I needed to know what happened next! You see, I don't take a wonderfully professional approach to writing. I know that, those who know what they're doing, plot their stories down to a fine detail in advance, and then flesh out this skeleton. I, on the other hand, start writing in the same way as I would read a story, from the beginning, and wait to see how it develops. It was obvious that the young Lady had a hopelessly romantic view of chivalry and warfare whereas the Maid and the staff of the House clearly had a more level-headed approach. I thought it would be interesting to see how these characters might cope with their world being turned upside down, so that's what happened.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Twenty four episodes later, I decided that the story had run its course for the time being. Each episode had featured on ABCtales but I know that not everyone is happy to stick with a story that stretches over days and weeks, and I can understand that. I have difficulty remembering a plot if I've only put a book down for an hour or two! Therefore, I decided to put the full story into book form and that's why we are where we are.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">'The Chronicles of a Young Lady (and her Maid)' is the end result and is available now as a Kindle e-book and will shortly be available as a paperback. This is the blurb for it:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>"When a young noble lady's betrothed rides off to battle, she has high
hopes of his triumphant return, unlike her Maid who expects him to last
five minutes! To save themselves from a fate worse than death, the
Young Lady and her Maid run for their lives (amongst other things) and
so starts a set of comic adventures involving a lascivious watchman, a
flamboyant sea captain, a vindictive Sergeant at Arms, a Parson and a
couple of bailiffs.<br /><br />Philip Whiteland takes you on this whirlwind fictional tour of the distant past with plenty of laughs and smiles along the way."</i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Why not take a look? You might just like it!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://mybook.to/LadyandMaid" target="_blank"><b>The Chronicles of a Young Lady (and her Maid)</b></a></span><br /></i></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>
</i></span><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><br /> </i></span></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-3410123561081678952020-11-23T09:17:00.000-08:002020-11-23T09:17:08.454-08:00A Waggy Dog Story!<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> I usually aim to have a book ready to publish in time for Christmas and this year is no exception. However, there are a few exceptions to the norm this year (well, there would be, this being 2020 and everything).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Firstly, the book this year is available in paperback only (so it makes a great stocking-filler present, always assuming you want your stockings filled?) Secondly, it's a collection of fictional short stories, as opposed to my usual diet of humorous nostalgia (which I call 'nostalgedy' even if no-one else does) and thirdly, this is a book aimed at children rather than adults (although I'm convinced that more than a few adults will enjoy the jokes and situations).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I think the simplest thing would be for me to quote from the book's blurb:</span></p><p><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">"A collection of amusing and heart-warming stories about Packham and
India, the two dogs at TURN Education. Although written for children, we
strongly expect quite a few adults will enjoy the jokes and situations
that arise as Packham and India try to make sense of their world.
Starting from when India was just a puppy and learning the ropes
(although she always had the measure of Packham) through to them moving
to the smallholding where they, and the rest of the animals, now live.
Finally, coming up to date and introducing some familiar faces around
TURN.</span></i></p><p><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">All profits from the sale of this collection go to TURN Education
to help with their remarkable animal -related therapy work with
children, young people and their families. </span></i></p><p><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">Sadly, after a brief and
entirely unexpected illness, Packham passed away just as this book was
being finalised for publication. Caroline insisted that this book should
still be published in memory of Packham and to celebrate his life, and
the joy and love he brought to everyone who knew him. </span></i></p><p><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">This is for
Packham."</span></i></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">15 stories in 155 pages for just £4.99! Makes a great Christmas present. You can buy it from Amazon at <a href="http://mybook.to/WaggyDogTales">http://mybook.to/WaggyDogTales</a> and we would be delighted if you did <b>BUT </b>of the £4.99 cover price, Amazon take £4.25, which is fair enough as they do all of the printing and distribution, but doesn't leave a lot left to donate to TURN Education (you can find out more about TURN at <a href="http://www.turneducation.co.uk">www.turneducation.co.uk</a>) Whereas, if you buy directly from me, £2.40 per copy at least goes to TURN (the rest goes to Amazon).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">To get your copy, email me at:</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>wag@philwhiteland.co.uk</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: small;">and, to prove that there are some things in this life that are free, follow the link below to see and hear me read the title story:</span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: red;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ltKEb5H_RM&t=3s" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;"> <b>A Waggy Dog Story</b></span></a></span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> </b></span></span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b></b></span></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuLyyx-gg5KtgMwNKVcE2UWJAmL3pTjTxp-dERmwMcWWAqCG8apffnqMd9UlYs0siX-4lDJFHMFY-QOaqV1UkfHPKUOSbZOOZKmBv8mh1lBbtAeIoPtAJzu3vQsG2H5SusKH4gst0hdbd7/s499/Front+Cover+from+Amazon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="324" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuLyyx-gg5KtgMwNKVcE2UWJAmL3pTjTxp-dERmwMcWWAqCG8apffnqMd9UlYs0siX-4lDJFHMFY-QOaqV1UkfHPKUOSbZOOZKmBv8mh1lBbtAeIoPtAJzu3vQsG2H5SusKH4gst0hdbd7/s320/Front+Cover+from+Amazon.jpg" /></a></b></span></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><br /> </b></span><b> </b></span><br /><p></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-45901212025624380752020-09-20T09:01:00.001-07:002020-09-20T09:01:42.380-07:00One Page Won't Do!<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> Way back in the music history of the 1980s, a lady called Audrey Hall had a one-hit-wonder with a song called 'One Dance Won't Do'. You may remember it? If not, you can find it here:</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pbWf5tb_CA</b></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I've come to the conclusion that I can sympathise with her! Not in terms of dancing, one dance with me would be more than enough for anyone! No, I'm thinking, instead, about readers and, in particular, a couple who have recently read just one page of my latest tome.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You may be surprised to learn that authors who have books listed under the Kindle Unlimited programme can see how many pages of each book have been read on a daily basis. As I spend my waking hours pathetically checking the orders for my books and pages read (usually '0' on both counts), I'm always pleased to see a number come up under the Pages Read heading and then wait to see if that number advances, which would indicate someone is steadily reading (and hopefully enjoying) said book.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">However, twice in the past week or so, the Pages Read total for my latest book has shown '1' and then resolutely failed to show any increase thereafter. Which begs the question 'Who, in their right senses, reads just one page of a book?' Moreover, this presumably is the Title Page! I began to wonder if I had completely lost the plot and whether, instead of putting</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Grave Expectations</b></span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;">as I had intended, I had instead put</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Naff Off And Don't Come Back Again!</b></span></span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">but I've checked and this doesn't appear to be the case. So, I'm at a loss. I can't, for the life of me, see what can be so completely off-putting about the Title Page that two readers, to date, have got thus far and no further! </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Perhaps you would like to see what you think? You don't even have to risk 99p in the endeavour. You can 'Look Inside' on the Amazon book page or, if you're a member of Kindle Unlimited, you can read the whole thing for FREE (and I can follow the pages read, which doesn't sound much but keeps me amused)</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">You can find the book that two people couldn't bring themselves to read, here:</span></span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> <a href="http://getbook.at/graveexpectations" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b>Grave Expectations</b></span></span></a></span></span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjRuItpoFnm2bgtCUA0x4XSU7TgNB-MsiGzZ95uuRKuissFyJSZaDhqwj3eiTRo1Nu9GWaeUkPnCOcTYksU7PTyPU3ddyGs-2BcrL2ud37FA4TXRF2iLl3N6I08q8IKZtVc_b2dSqmaD6s/s1415/Grave+Expectations+2a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1415" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjRuItpoFnm2bgtCUA0x4XSU7TgNB-MsiGzZ95uuRKuissFyJSZaDhqwj3eiTRo1Nu9GWaeUkPnCOcTYksU7PTyPU3ddyGs-2BcrL2ud37FA4TXRF2iLl3N6I08q8IKZtVc_b2dSqmaD6s/s320/Grave+Expectations+2a.jpg" /></a></b></span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /><span style="font-size: small;">and you can hear a sample story, here:</span></b></span></span></span></span><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">https://youtu.be/2cDx-YyzkRg </span> </b></span></span></span><b> <br /></b></span></span></span></p></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b> </b></span> </span><br /></span></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-80450118494413661082020-09-17T08:03:00.003-07:002020-09-18T03:06:48.410-07:00Introducing Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> I've recently been taking a break from writing my usual 'nostalgedy' stories about growing up in Burton upon Trent in the 1950s and 1960s to return to my first love of writing humorous fiction. In particular, I've thoroughly enjoyed writing stories about my pair of hapless Undertakers, Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble of Oakshott and Underwood. These stories have now been collected in two Kindle books, as follows:</span></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgoICsVvSelwjHPKlmiq18xU57Yzi-UqKD2K4Riaxk4jy17NYUeqYmim9PkQoEleqBokOzSrqyTO6i81O6u8aDYOb9nZeq5qPu5s5TkukapkmmaS97aC3aklbOguTPd5ILpPE7Un59mMg0/s1624/Cover.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1624" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgoICsVvSelwjHPKlmiq18xU57Yzi-UqKD2K4Riaxk4jy17NYUeqYmim9PkQoEleqBokOzSrqyTO6i81O6u8aDYOb9nZeq5qPu5s5TkukapkmmaS97aC3aklbOguTPd5ILpPE7Un59mMg0/s320/Cover.jpg" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>A Dubious Undertaking and other stories -</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>the first collection of stories about Josiah and Archibald</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana;">http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking</span></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">A selection of darkly humorous tales about two hapless undertakers,
Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble, and the troubles that befall them
and their clients. Also, some stories about two precocious children
you really wouldn't want to tangle with - Peregrine and Prudence. If
you want to know who blew up the crematorium, why Mrs Anderby had an
unfortunate encounter with some potting compost and how an Anti-Santa
found himself in captivity, you could do a lot worse than read this
book! If you like your humour slightly dark and rather silly, then this
is the tome for you.</span><b><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <br /></span></b></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Npm-QA-WKSlToLjhi1U8fS5c06zPAG3hWqauJ2JjAEM8uspn3LBHIp4loApnrkQlOVfU5RTCdQi26X04HUkF5erMP7G-QikhMF3mX40Xl9YhigEOsFys7EeVZi1oLmt8cTwYBkzS_goC/s1415/Grave+Expectations+2a.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1415" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Npm-QA-WKSlToLjhi1U8fS5c06zPAG3hWqauJ2JjAEM8uspn3LBHIp4loApnrkQlOVfU5RTCdQi26X04HUkF5erMP7G-QikhMF3mX40Xl9YhigEOsFys7EeVZi1oLmt8cTwYBkzS_goC/s320/Grave+Expectations+2a.jpg" /></a></div><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Grave Expectations - the further misadventures of </b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>http://getbook.at/graveexpectations</b></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The second book featuring Josiah and Archibald and this time all the
stories are about their misadventures dealing with irate mourners, V.E.
Day, social bubbles, unexpected musical tracks at cremations, the
difficulties of 'staying alert', pub reopening, face masks, promotion,
dismissal, pyres for Viking chieftains, the oedipus complex, feuding
fiancees, personnel management and office romance. All this and the
pandemic too! </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b> </b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>and you can enjoy the title story of 'A Dubious Undertaking' for FREE by watching this:</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>https://youtu.be/2cDx-YyzkRg </b><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-83562015866190851392020-06-10T03:15:00.003-07:002020-06-10T03:15:28.054-07:00Taking the Tablet!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My grandson was stilll not convinced that Packham had properly understood the nature of the virus in the last story "<a href="http://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2020/05/the-walrus-and-aunteater.html" target="_blank">The Walrus and the Aunteater</a>", so I decided to have one last go. I couldn't see much humorous potential in this, but it turned out I was wrong!</span></i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidkiQ2vv-O7Q2kbCcNKsIKyPcWZHmYYjrhe6hFSYAPYNF6syMK0A6oQqfDO36KIhwMpPPafX7iaQqnEav0uL7TEIgoznUQijN8e3FxEo7VQxYBEPyP92Q6-lh8FSWK6A4ZVIVyHv706W4o/s1600/Packham+cropped+2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1097" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidkiQ2vv-O7Q2kbCcNKsIKyPcWZHmYYjrhe6hFSYAPYNF6syMK0A6oQqfDO36KIhwMpPPafX7iaQqnEav0uL7TEIgoznUQijN8e3FxEo7VQxYBEPyP92Q6-lh8FSWK6A4ZVIVyHv706W4o/s320/Packham+cropped+2019.jpg" width="219" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the warming rays of the mid-morning sunshine, Packham
stretched out on the decking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A gentle
breeze played over his fur, happily keeping him from getting too hot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was definitely Packham’s favourite spot to snooze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the distance he could hear the bleating of
the sheep and the goats as they grazed in the field beyond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind him came the insistent quacking of one
or more of the small ducks as they bickered and bustled around the yard. Geese
honked with annoyance whenever anyone got too close to them, which was most of
the time, and hens clucked and pecked contentedly just about everywhere.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the usual
background noise at TURN Education and he normally found he could doze
peacefully through it all, except for this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amidst the bleating and the quacking, the
honking and the clucking, he could hear a regular set of growls, each growl
followed by a dragging noise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham
debated whether to look up and see what was causing it but decided he was
happier dozing and not knowing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a short while, the growls and dragging came steadily
closer to where Packham was sunbathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He felt something being dropped beside him, followed by a short ‘woof’
that could only come from India.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham
opened one eye and stared, with a degree of annoyance, at his companion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Wha’ you want?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
murmured, sleepily.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Brought you something” India replied.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham made the effort to open his eye again and looked at
what lay at India’s paws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a
magazine, or, more accurately, what was left of a magazine after it had been
dragged out of the house and across the yard by a Labrador.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Not interested, can’t read” Packham dismissed the offering
and tried to go back to sleep.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You don’t need to read it” India explained, “it’s a
picture”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham opened both eyes and yawned loudly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stretching all his limbs as far as they would
go, he reluctantly sat up and regarded his young companion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Picture?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve
woken me up for a picture?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know how much
I need my mid-morning snooze!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It’s important” India pushed the open magazine toward
Packham, “you see that thing there?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>India’s nose touched a picture of a round object covered in little
spikes, the whole thing was displayed in a disturbing mix of purples and dark
blues.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ooh, that looks nasty” Packham’s nose twitched in
disapproval, “what is it?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“That,” said India, triumphantly, “is what’s causing people
to be ill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s called a ‘virus’”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“A ’virus’?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yep, Flynn was just telling me about it” India looked very
superior.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Not a walrus?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Absolutely not!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>India smirked.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What’s a walrus, then?” Packham was not convinced.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, for goodness sake!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hang on a minute, but get ready to run, ok?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India trotted off back into the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Run?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you
mean, ‘run’?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham shouted after her
but no answer came.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was just about to settle down to resume his snooze when
he heard a major commotion break out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Seconds later, India came bounding out with something metallic in her
mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She skidded to a halt in front of
Packham and lowered her prize carefully onto the decking before him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“See that picture there?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s a walrus!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India panted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham could see a large gingery-brown creature with
ripples of fat, huge whiskers and even larger tusks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole appearance was quite startling and
made him jump back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back in the house,
the dogs could hear another conversation taking place.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i>“MUM!”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“What?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“India’s
run off with my iPad!”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“SHE’S
WHAT??”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh no, you haven’t taken Flynn’s iPad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re going to be in so much trouble!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham warned.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It was the only way I could show you what a walrus looked
like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flynn had been showing me”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, Flynn had been showing you, had he?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham asked huffily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He liked to think that Flynn confided only in
him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“INDIA,
WHERE ARE YOU?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I told you, you would get in trouble” Packham smirked.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“PACKHAM,
COME HERE THIS MINUTE!”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not just me,
then.” India giggled, “come on, we’d better make a run for it”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Bottom of the field” Packham panted as he and India bounded
away, “we’ll hide under the hedge until this all blows over”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moments later they were safely tucked under the hedgerow,
peering cautiously through the branches to see if they could spot anyone in the
distance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“So, where does Maxine come into all of this ‘virus’
thingy?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham asked, in a way that
implied he wasn’t all that interested really.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“There is no ‘Maxine’, you silly old dog!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You misunderstood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a ‘vaccine’ they’re looking for”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“’Vaccine’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s
one of them?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham hated being in the
wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, you were mostly right before…” India began.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“See!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Told you!”
Packham responded, smugly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It is about putting a little, harmless, version of the
virus into you, sort of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That way your
body knows how to fight it if the real thing comes along.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The Aunties!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Packham nodded.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, it’s nothing to do with Aunties but I’m not really sure
what does it”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Hah, now who’s silly, eh?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“But, I think you’ve got like these little super-hero type
things in your body and when something nasty turns up, they fly in and get rid
of it for you”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I think I preferred the idea of Aunties” Packham huffed,
“what about if you’ve already got this virus inside you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What can they do about that?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, you know those sticky-up things we saw on the
‘virus’?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, I didn’t like the look of them” Packham shivered.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, they think if you could gum them up, somehow, that
might stop the ‘virus’ making people so poorly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s what they’re trying to find, something to do the ‘gumming up’, I
think” India frowned as she tried to make sense of it all, which isn’t easy
when you’re a dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I know we’re
involved.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham turned to look at her, “What, you and me?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, silly!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Labradors”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Labradors are involved in finding something to stop this
virus?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham asked, disbelievingly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, because Flynn said that Research Labs around the world
were working on it”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, I suppose that does make sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are highly intelligent.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham thought it over for a bit before
continuing, “I still don’t see how people catch this virus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, it’s easily as big as the
walrus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would see it coming from
miles away!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ah, no, that’s where you’re wrong!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India shook her head, vigorously, making her
ears flap wildly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Flynn explained that
to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That picture shows what the
‘virus’ <i>would</i> look like if it was really, really big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually, it’s so tiny, you can’t see it,
which is why it can creep up on people and get inside them”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Gosh! Makes your fur creep to think about it, doesn’t
it?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham looked around, warily, as
if expecting a spiked blue and purple thing to come bounding out of the branches
around them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yeah, you can see why people have been keeping a long way
from each other, can’t you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India
nodded, “because you never know who might have the ‘virus’”</span></div>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Can’t be a lot of fun being people at the moment”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, there’s a lot to be said for being a Labrador right now”
India agreed. “Especially if you’re a Research Lab helping them find a cure”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“PACKHAM!
INDIA! WHERE ARE YOU?”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“But, perhaps not exactly RIGHT NOW!” Packham ducked down as
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“We can’t hide in here forever” India said, glumly, as she
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
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trouble, I haven’t done anything wrong!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, I wouldn’t have had to bring you those pictures if
you hadn’t gone on about Pandas, Walruses and Maxines” India grumbled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I don’t think I was that far wrong, really” Packham suggested,
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you?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“How?” India asked, suspiciously.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You could tell them…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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taking a tablet for the virus!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Boys are just so silly!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can find a lot more of Philip's fiction in the brand new book '<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank">A Dubious Undertaking and other stories</a>' available now for just 99p - and FREE on Kindle Unlimited :-) </span></div>
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<![endif]-->Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-83784162439070121322020-05-24T12:45:00.000-07:002020-05-24T12:45:04.965-07:00The Walrus and the Aunteater<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZ0k60NFMyxFVlJ1pt85uYQeTNOK84oFM3CKelik0PyE8K-AaFYc2I0BhG3cGoXgvw__I5xNZEcA4NyZ_lfZgAI3xm7NqwpSoucNv1xViu72mvCEw_brzGpiJon5omtWYiEBpjxCIqFRi/s1600/Packham+and+India.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="173" data-original-width="130" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZ0k60NFMyxFVlJ1pt85uYQeTNOK84oFM3CKelik0PyE8K-AaFYc2I0BhG3cGoXgvw__I5xNZEcA4NyZ_lfZgAI3xm7NqwpSoucNv1xViu72mvCEw_brzGpiJon5omtWYiEBpjxCIqFRi/s400/Packham+and+India.jpg" width="300" /> </a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Packham and India </i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> My grandson wanted a sequel to <span style="color: red;"><b><a href="http://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2020/05/a-panda-called-mick.html" target="_blank">'A Panda Called Mick ',</a> </b></span>so this is it.
Being of an orderly mind, he wanted Packham to understand what was
really going on this time, which is something of a tall order for a
Chocolate Labrador but we've given it our best shot ;-)</span></i></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham and India were racing
each other across the field to try to be first to grab the, rather battered and
distinctly smelly, tennis ball that had just been thrown for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham was first to it but skidded on the wet
grass and missed it by inches. India, just at his heels, grabbed it from under
his nose and galloped on with her tail in the air.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ahg god ther gall, Ahg god ther
gall!” She said, triumphantly, in a sing-song voice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham, who had been chasing
after her, stopped suddenly and sat down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He regarded her with a frown and then, tipping his head to one side, he
said, quite politely, “Pardon?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ah gaid, Ahg god ther…oh” India
dropped the ball at her feet and continued, “I said that…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But Packham had sprung up and
whipped the ball from in front of her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Hah, hah, ha, hah, hah” He
laughed in a sing-song way, “Nah, Ahg god ther gall”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“That’s cheating!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India scowled, “It’s always the same, boys
always cheat!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, ee gon’t!” Packham retorted;
his mouth still full of tennis ball.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Do!” India shouted back,
“anyway, I’m not sure we should be out here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not with the…” She looked all around her, carefully, before saying in a
whisper, “not with the Panda about”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ah” Packham stopped cavorting
around and sat down in front of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
dropped the ball at his feet and quickly placed his right front paw on top of
it, when he saw India about to lunge forward. “I’ve been having a conversation
with Flynn about that and I’m not sure I was absolutely right”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You’ve been having a
conversation with Flynn?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you have
much to say to him?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India asked,
sarcastically.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, all right, I was listening
to Flynn then.” Packham admitted, “He doesn’t speak Dog, but he told me all
about it” he added, importantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I assume it doesn’t involve a
Panda?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India asked with one raised
eyebrow.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, no” Packham said in a low
voice and stared hard at the ground, to avoid India’s gaze, “it doesn’t.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“So what it is it then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An invisible antelope?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A gorilla?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Perhaps it’s a gnu?” India sniggered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, it’s none of those things”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“And you were listening properly
this time?” India’s eyebrow was still firmly raised.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, yes, only there was some
important scratching that I’d got to do and I’m still looking for that dog
biscuit that I’m sure I dropped in the crate, you know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I think I got most of it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham took a deep breath and tried to
remember everything he had been told.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It’s
like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know when you were a pup
and you had to go to the vet’s and they stuck things in the back of your neck?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, don’t remind me!” India lay
down on the ground and covered her face with her front paws, “that was awful.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, you remember that you
didn’t feel very well for a day or two afterwards?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yeah, I don’t know why?” India
nodded.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, Flynn says that it’s
because of a walrus.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“A walrus?” India was astonished.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, they give you a little tiny
version of this walrus that would make you really poorly if you caught it
normally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s called Maxine.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“This tiny walrus is called
Maxine?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India now had both eyebrows
raised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why would they do that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sounds like a horrible thing to do to a
puppy!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said, indignantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ah, but that’s the clever
bit!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham said, proudly showing off
his new found knowledge, “what happens is, there are these helpful things
inside you, called Aunties, that are really good at fighting things like
walruses, and when they come across this little <i>tiny</i> walrus…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Called Maxine?” India suggested.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, called Maxine…then they can
quickly jump up and down on it and kick it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, they learn how to beat it when it’s <i>tiny</i>, then if the bigger
version ever gets in, they’re ready for it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Cool, isn’t it?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham grinned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“And these helpful things, these
Aunties…?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, they’re great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They use their bodies to fight the walrus.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham explained, “Auntie bodies, you
see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a lot of them and they’re
all really helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s Auntie
Bacterial, Auntie Biotic and Auntie Histamine for a start off.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“So, like Auntie Jody who comes
to help Mum?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Exactly” Packham nodded
vigorously, “and look how helpful she is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She wouldn’t have any problems with a walrus now, would she?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I shouldn’t think so” India
agreed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“But, if you don’t have this
Maxine, and we haven’t got one at the moment, then we’re all at risk from these
walruses and that’s dangerous because they’re…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Packham realised that he was definitely getting out of his depth here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Aunt-eaters?” India suggested.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Brilliant!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham said, much relieved, “yes,
Aunt-eaters, very good!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where did you
get that from?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I think I heard Flynn mention them
when he was reading one of his wildlife books” India mused, “you know, I think
I was happier when it was invisible Pandas we had to worry about”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It’s not a problem” Packham
said, reassuringly, “as long as people stay away from other people, then the walruses
can’t get close enough to get in there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The trouble is that no-one’s had the little tiny Maxine walrus, because
there isn’t one, yet, so our Aunties aren’t ready for them”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“So, our Aunties are all sitting
around knitting and drinking tea and things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then, if the walruses get in, they don’t know how to deal with them and
might get eaten?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Exactly!” Packham beamed at this
student, “you’ve got it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But most of the
time, the Aunties are more than a match for the walruses and they win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just that, sometimes, very occasionally…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“They don’t?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, they don’t” Packham agreed, shaking
his head, sadly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well,” India sat up and
scratched her left ear, enthusiastically, “I’ve heard it all, now!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re sure you’ve got it right this time?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Absolutely! If you think about
it, it all makes sense” Packham said confidently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing India scratching had set him off and
he started to do the same, which meant that his front paw moved away from the
ball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India saw her chance and leapt
forward.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ahg god ther gall, Ahg god ther
gall” She sang, happily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Packham
grumbled, but pretty soon the two dogs were chasing and tumbling over one
another, all thoughts of walruses, Aunties and invisible Pandas long forgotten.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em><strong>You can find a lot more of these stories about Packham and India in the new collection <a href="http://mybook.to/animalturns" target="_blank">'Animal Turns' </a>available
in paperback and Kindle editions. All profits from the sale of this
book go to support the work of TURN Education C.I.C.. To find out more
about TURN (and the roles of Packham and India) please follow this link:</strong></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em><strong> </strong></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.turneducation.co.uk/"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>www.turneducation.co.uk</strong></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><br />Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-81174215035774233662020-05-20T07:01:00.004-07:002020-05-20T07:01:52.112-07:00A Panda Called Mick<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjytkprBfaPniUys7avw3x1sBSCd2OA_5NotuUJfcsKmZDU8Pj4CfcaPfocsqMcIeY1f7EF9w-95VsQzs7nfvOCOLUIgwswhE9McCbeZIovK7eXlt_5XVqT2BH3P3t2c_y7UOkzuHhtbk7R/s1600/512px-Panda_ChiangMaiZoo_humarkus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjytkprBfaPniUys7avw3x1sBSCd2OA_5NotuUJfcsKmZDU8Pj4CfcaPfocsqMcIeY1f7EF9w-95VsQzs7nfvOCOLUIgwswhE9McCbeZIovK7eXlt_5XVqT2BH3P3t2c_y7UOkzuHhtbk7R/s320/512px-Panda_ChiangMaiZoo_humarkus.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>From time to time I write stories for my grandson in which I imagine the
conversations that might take place between his two Labradors, Packham
and India. I thought they might be a bit perplexed by all that is going
on at the moment, so I thought it would be interesting to hear what
they make of it all...</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was the middle of the night,
in the kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham and India had
been asleep in their crate, despite having the run of the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham had been having a really fun dream
which involved chasing squirrels, although, in his dream, he had just fallen
out of a tree, which made him wake up with a start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was just really enjoying a spot of
vigorous scratching before settling down again, when he realised that India was
lying, eyes wide open, staring into the darkness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What’s up?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked of his young companion.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I can’t sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m worried” India replied.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Worried?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s there to worry about?” Packham
scratched a particularly itchy spot just by his right shoulder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, it’s
alright for you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could sleep if the
house was falling down around us!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India
grumbled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Dogs need
their sleep” Packham stated, “it’s a known fact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise, we couldn’t do as much as we do in
the daytime”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you do, apart from eat and chase
balls?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Very important
stuff, all of that” Packham huffed, “someone’s got to do it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, what are you worried about?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, don’t
you think it’s strange that no-one’s gone anywhere for ages?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India sat up and looked hard at Packham, “Dad’s
not gone to work, Flynn’s not gone to school and there’s no-one coming here to
learn things off Mum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s going on?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ah, that’s it,
is it?” Packham settled down by India, “I wondered about that too, then I heard
them talking and I know what it’s all about, now”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, go on then!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Packham sat up and
adopted the wisest look he could manage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>India thought it made him look as if he was going to be sick, but
decided not to tell him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, it’s all
to do with a panda” Packham nodded, sagely.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“A panda?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s a panda?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It’s a black
and white creature, quite big”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What!” India
yelped, “we’ve got a field full of them, next door!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, no”
Packham shook his head, furiously and a cloud of bits of dog biscuit and old
fur filled the crate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“They’re
cows!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are fluffier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like bears”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Flynn’s got
teddy bears” India mused.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, well
imagine one of them only black and white and about Dad’s size”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ooh,
scary!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India shuddered “What’s this got
to do with no-one going anywhere?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, there’s
this panda called Mick and he’s going around and making people poorly”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Why would he
do that?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India wondered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I dunno”
Packham shrugged his shoulders, which isn’t easy when you’re a Labrador, “he
just does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So no-one’s going out in case
they meet this panda”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, right” India
didn’t sound convinced, “but what about when people come here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do they stand so far away?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, you can’t lick them, get them to
stroke you, play with you or anything!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“That’s because
it’s invisible”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What’s
invisible?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“This panda”
Packham knew that he wasn’t absolutely sure what he was talking about, but he
certainly wasn’t going to let India know that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The panda’s
invisible, so that means that everyone has to stand far apart?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes” Packham
said, uncertainly, “because you might have the panda with you and not know
anything about it”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Sounds weird
to me” India shook her head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’m just
telling you what I’ve heard”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“So, what are
they doing about it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, don’t get
me wrong, it’s great having everyone home and everything…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Of course it
is. I’ve never played so much in all my life!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think it’s brilliant” Packham grinned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“But we can’t
all stay in, all the time, just because of this invisible panda, can we?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Don’t see why
not!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham replied, stubbornly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, it’s
just not right, is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely somebody’s
got to do something”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’ve heard…”
Packham looked around the room, as if he was about to tell a great secret and
didn’t want anyone else to hear it, “I’ve heard they’re coming up with a
vacuum!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said, importantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“A vacuum?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What, like Mum uses on the furniture? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How’s that going to help?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Look, I’m just
a Labrador!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They don’t tell me
everything!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe…” Packham frowned and
thought really hard, “maybe they’re going to get this HUGE vacuum and it will
suck up all the air and, sooner or later, they’re bound to suck up the
invisible panda, and that will be that!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Packham was quite pleased with that answer and wagged his tail,
triumphantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’m not sure
you’ve got that right” India said, quietly as she rested her head between her
front paws.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Huh!” Packham
replied, indignantly, “how would you know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re just a pup!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m the oldest
and the wisest dog around here”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yeah,
right!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India giggled, “well, I’m going
to sleep, whether there’s an invisible panda, or not”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I WAS asleep
until you started going on” Packham grumbled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Night,
Packham” India said, sleepily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Humph” Packham
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I said,
goodnight Packham” India persisted.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 44.15pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Night India”
Packham responded, eventually.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">India drifted
off to sleep, and dreamed of chasing after giant pandas carrying vacuum cleaners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Packham went back to chasing squirrels but
tried not to fall out of the tree, this time.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em><strong>You can find a lot more of these stories about Packham and India in the new collection <a href="http://mybook.to/animalturns" target="_blank">'Animal Turns' </a>available
in paperback and Kindle editions. All profits from the sale of this
book go to support the work of TURN Education C.I.C.. To find out more
about TURN (and the roles of Packham and India) please follow this link:</strong></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em><strong> </strong></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.turneducation.co.uk/"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>www.turneducation.co.uk</strong></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
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Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-67146358213360559382020-05-14T09:57:00.001-07:002020-05-14T09:57:11.440-07:00Pack up your troubles in your old kit...<div style="text-align: center;">
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Miss Smith took a deep breath before launching herself into
the playground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knew it was an
over-exaggeration but she felt a deep sense of sympathy for those brave
soldiers going ‘over the top’ in World War 1. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Playground duty was not one of her favourite
occupations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a school designated to remain open for the care of
children of key workers, St. Griselda’s was by no means at full capacity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, the playground was virtually
deserted except for the odd pair of children playing in a desultory fashion,
here and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One particularly odd
pair, who seemed to be joined together by a scarf, appeared to have set up a
makeshift stall in the far corner of the yard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Miss Smith was just about to investigate this when she was apprehended
by a child in floods of tears.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few minutes later, Miss Smith and the tear-stained child
were at the ‘stall’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Peregrine!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Good morning, Miss Smith” Peregrine responded, civilly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Peregrine, Eric here tells me that you have taken £5 from
him” Miss Smith glared at the accused whilst Eric choked back sobs at her rear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I am devastated that you should so accuse me, Miss
Smith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone would think that I was no
more than a common thief, a highwayman if you will”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“If the cap fits, Peregrine” Miss Smith snarled, “now, what
about Eric’s £5?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I fear that you may have been misinformed, Miss Smith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The child in your custody, whom I now
understand to rejoice under the epithet of ‘Eric’, entered into a commercial
transaction some little time ago in which he gave Prudence and I the sum of £5”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“And just what did he get in return for his investment,
Peregrine?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“He procured our V.E. Day Kit, a simple and fun way to
decorate your home or class” Peregrine beamed at Miss Smith.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would this be
the kit in question?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Miss Smith emptied
a small plastic bag onto the stall, from out of which fell a couple of sheets
of paper and a small ball of string.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Not in its entirety, Miss Smith, but those do appear to be
some of the contents” Peregrine agreed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The paper, Peregrine, appears to me to be remarkably
similar to that used in our photocopier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The string is simply a number of short lengths tied together, which
leads me to believe they are the remnants from our choral speaking project, the
Hilaire Belloc poem ‘Henry King “<i>Who chewed bits of string, and was early
cut off in Dreadful agonies”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>How do
you justify charging Eric £5 for this?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I think that the concept is the important factor here,
Miss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we reduce everything to its
constituent parts, where then does value lie?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After all, the complete works of Shakespeare are nothing but a few
sheets of paper and ink, and yet…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Peregrine!” The warning tone in Miss Smith’s voice cut
short his soliloquy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It took me ages to tie them all together” Prudence
announced, sullenly, from the depths of the scarf.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You see! Apart from anything else, it’s a highly
labour-intensive product” Peregrine said, triumphantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“My patience is wearing thin, Peregrine. What exactly did
Eric get for his £5, hmm?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“He obtained a kit enabling him to brighten any room,
building or edifice with flags of a patriotic nature which contained, to wit,
high-quality paper, string, crayons and a link to a site detailing the designs
of every flag in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I call
that value for money!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Crayons?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see no
crayons…” Miss Smith began but was halted in her speech by a furious tugging of
her skirt by the partly-hidden and tear-stained Eric.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She bent down to hear what he had to say.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Eric tells me that you came and took the crayons off him”
Miss Smith folded her arms and scowled at Peregrine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind her, and at a safe distance from
Peregrine, Eric imitated her pose.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ah yes, that would be because Eric failed to read the
relevant clause in the terms and conditions of sale” Peregrine produced a piece
of paper, about 3 inches square, which he shook to reveal a foot- long scroll
of densely-typed text. “This clearly states that, whilst the purchase price
gives the purchaser (Eric, in this instance) full title to all elements of said
kit, it only confers the <i><u>loan</u></i> of the colouring system”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“By which you mean the crayons?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Miss Smith arched an eyebrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eric tried to do the same but gave the
appearance of someone in the grip of a seizure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“By which I mean, as you correctly identify, the crayons”
Peregrine agreed and made a face at Eric, who ducked back behind his protector.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“That’s ‘cos they’re mine and I said I would bite him if he
didn’t get them back” said a small female voice from the depths of the scarf.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Peregrine, this is nothing but a scam!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I object in the strongest possible terms…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine began but was halted in full flow
by one of Miss Smith’s ‘Looks’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You will return to Eric, forthwith, his five pounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moreover, if there are any other children
here that you have conned…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Peregrine began to splutter but was glared into silence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I use the term advisedly, Peregrine. To continue, if there
are any other children you have conned, you will return their monies without
delay, do I make myself clear, Peregrine?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I don’t think you’re taking the transfer of intellectual
property rights into proper consideration here, Miss”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, PEREGRINE?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Yes, Miss Smith” Peregrine agreed, gloomily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“And don’t let me catch you in a repeat of this behaviour,
Peregrine”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I won’t, Miss”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You won’t what, Peregrine?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I won’t let you catch me, Miss” Peregrine smiled sweetly at
his tormentor.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Good, that’s fine then” Miss Smith walked away, with Eric
in her wake, but she couldn’t quite shake the uneasy feeling that she had been
duped, somehow.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Right Pru” Peregrine addressed his scarf companion, as he
produced four playing cards from his jacket pocket, “the game is ‘Find the
Lady’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know the drill, you have a
couple of goes and win each time, then we start the game properly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s see how long little Eric can hold on to
his dinner money, this time”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can find a lot more from Peregrine and Prudence, as well as my Undertakers, in the brand new collection of stories:</span></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A Dubious Undertaking and other stories</span></b></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>for just 99p! </b></i></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-34166704819495798012020-05-12T03:58:00.000-07:002020-05-12T03:58:43.669-07:00Lest we forget...what was it?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhUO4thv4obOh-cJU11HfSim3jfWUWHylMarOz-KRvlDEhC6M2XZ-u6Bal22ArKc59stYqFffScVAF63LUrOdC7mnvg4vQYwOKVD1vw_t8-Zaxiab0odhsXmziyrLx5Kw0DSSLjomtEE4J/s1600/VE+Day+resized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhUO4thv4obOh-cJU11HfSim3jfWUWHylMarOz-KRvlDEhC6M2XZ-u6Bal22ArKc59stYqFffScVAF63LUrOdC7mnvg4vQYwOKVD1vw_t8-Zaxiab0odhsXmziyrLx5Kw0DSSLjomtEE4J/s320/VE+Day+resized.jpg" width="239" /></a></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the gloom of the storeroom,
Josiah Oakshott worked his way along the shelf, counting under his breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, he said,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“25 ceramic plant holders, blank”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Archibald Thurble, tongue firmly
fixed in the corner of his mouth, carefully wrote the number in the relevant
box and ticked the line.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“25 ceramic plant holders, blank”
He intoned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“25 plant holder inserts,
metallic” Josiah said as he moved a little to the right of the shelf.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“25 plant holder inserts,
metallic” Archibald echoed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“5 ceramic plant holders,
inscribed ‘Dad’”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“5 ceramic plant holders…’Dad’”
Archibald ticked again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“8 ceramic plant holders,
inscribed…” Josiah sighed, deeply, “‘Mam’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Hur, you don’t like them very
much, do you Mr. O.?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I deeply regret ever having been
persuaded to purchase them, Archibald.” Josiah turned to address his assistant,
“The only aspect, which gives me some modest hope, is that we have only sold
two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That the language of Chaucer,
Shakespeare and Churchill should come to this…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Ooh, that reminds me, Mr.
O.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you celebrate V.D. Day the other
day?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Did I celebrate what, Archibald”
Josiah was never entirely sure whether his assistant was being humorous,
although anything resembling a joke usually started with a characteristic ‘Hur’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“V.D. Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the other day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought about it ‘cause you mentioned that
Churchill bloke and my Nan was going around imitating him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind you, she’d been on the stout for most of
the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s never a good sign when
she’s putting it on her cornflakes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Archibald mused, “<i>We shall bite them, on the features</i>” He
declaimed in a reasonable impression of Winston Spencer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Er, no Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The quote is “<i>We shall fight them on the
beaches</i>””</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it was a bit odd when she said
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t figure out why you’d want
to do it!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Archibald chewed his pencil,
thoughtfully, “She kept singing them Vera Ellen songs an’ all…”<i>We’ll meet
again, don’t know where, don’t know…</i>” Archibald warbled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Vera Lynn.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah corrected, “Her name is Vera Lynn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually, my late mother used to call that
song ‘<i>Whale Meat Again’</i>” Josiah smiled at the memory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Did she?” Archibald looked at
him blankly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It’s a joke, Archibald.” Josiah
explained, patiently, “I gather that whale meat could be bought ‘off ration’ during
the war but it wasn’t very popular, hence the song title parody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also think you’ll find it’s V.E. Day,
Archibald”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Are you sure, Mr. O.?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’m absolutely certain,
Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It stands for Victory in
Europe.” Josiah warmed to his theme, “the Second World War was unusual in that
it had two conclusions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first being
Victory in Europe then, subsequently, V.J. Day for Victory in Japan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>V.D., on the other hand, stands for,
erm…well, it used to be representative of Venereal Disease” Josiah blushed,
slightly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Funereal…?” Archibald queried.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No. venereal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think the term now is STI”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Isn’t that something to do with
telephone calls?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, you are thinking of STD,
Archibald, which I believe used to stand for Subscriber Trunk Dialling. I’m not
absolutely certain of the etymology of that particular phrase, other than that
it had something to do with not having to place calls via the operator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>STI stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection”
Josiah was distinctly uncomfortable about the direction of the conversation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Sexually Transmitted…?”
Archibald looked puzzled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I think you might want to
discuss the matter with your mother, Archibald.” Josiah suggested, desperate to
change the subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t obviously
remember the original V.E. Day, having been born a few years after the
event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was one of the baby-boomer
generation”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Isn’t that something to do with
little kangaroos?” Archibald smiled at the thought, “I’ve heard they call them
‘boomers’ down under”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, that’s ‘joeys’, Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Baby-boomer’ relates to the dramatic increase
in the population as a consequence of the conclusion of hostilities, and the
return of soldiers to their homes”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“How did that make a difference
then?” Archibald frowned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, they’d been away for up to
six years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when they came back…you
know?” Josiah said, hopefully.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Not really, Mr. Oakshott”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, you know, men and
women…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah realised he was
floundering, “your mother must have mentioned it to you, surely?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Birds and bees, and all that?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh yeah, she went on about
storks and stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t really follow
it, if I’m honest, Mr. O.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Archibald
shook his head, “I think gooseberry bushes came into it an’ all, somewhere.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Perhaps one of your compatriots,
then?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah clutched at a straw.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh yeah! Egbert’s got some right
stories” Archibald nodded, enthusiastically.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, Egbert would not, perhaps,
have been my first choice as a fount of knowledge. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dare say that he might be able to fill in
some of the more sordid details for you, Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, we do seem to have somewhat strayed
from our original topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How did you
celebrate V.E. Day?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, me Mam…” Josiah visibly
winced, “made a cake with red, white and blue icing and we decorated the place”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Bunting?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I wouldn’t know, Mr. O.”
Archibald shook his head, sadly, “I don’t think I’ve ever bunted”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, Archibald, it is not a
verb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It refers to the little flags,
usually triangular, which are often used to adorn houses and so on at times of
national festivity”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh, right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, yeah we put some flags up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me Nan said she’d got the flags of all
nations up in the loft from the first V.E. Day”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Very appropriate, Archibald.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Well, yeah, only when we went up
there, we could only find two flags”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“That was unfortunate” Josiah
sympathised.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Turns out me Nan swapped the
rest for a pair of nylons and a bar of chocolate”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Understandable, I suppose”
Josiah nodded, “both items were difficult to obtain during and after the war,
I’m led to believe” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh no, not then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was last week in the back room of ‘The
King of Prussia’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyroad, we put the
two flags up we had got and that was alright until the cop…” Archibald spotted
the disapproving look on his employer’s face and changed tack, “the Police came
and told us to take them down”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That seems a little heavy-handed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was their rationale?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You what?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“What reason did they give?”
Josiah queried, with a patience born from long experience.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Right, well they said they were
‘concerned that a breach of the peace might take place’” Archibald quoted.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Goodness, how very odd!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Turns out that we were the only
house in the street with a swastika and a rising sun on the front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They thought we might get lynched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then me Nan said it was against her human
rights to make her take her flags down and hit the cop…Policeman on the head with
her walking stick, so she got arrested for assaulting a police officer and
being drunk and disorderly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her case
comes up next week.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You do have a somewhat varied
and interesting home life, Archibald” Josiah remarked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“It’s why I like being at work,
Mr. O.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shall we get on with the stock
check?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I think we should, Archibald, I
think we should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, let’s see, where
were we?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah ran his finger along
the shelf, “Ah yes, 10 plaster angels, white”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“10 plaster angels, white”
Archibald intoned and ticked the relevant column with a flourish, “not
plastered like me Nan though” he chuckled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No, Archibald, not in the same
sense as your grandmother” Josiah confirmed, “and I very much doubt that she
could be readily classified as ‘angelic’?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Me mam says she’ll get her
reward in Heaven!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“We must hope that is so,
Archibald, for I fear it will not be the case down here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now then…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>You can find a lot more from Josiah and Archibald in the new collection of stories:</b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>A Dubious Undertaking and other stories </b></i></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>for just 99p! </b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipu9UxFoK2lLzIwBuofGRMpFSaFS3RpgDuCDTW6jCZlwUdjNAITVWL7TpIdQ3pYBXBNN9Zz597LgcrO4_CXcForIlpWFAPEyS2o2oTrqIwofY-ZAX6gHRHY_oRCs9Cw7-rwet04zSbQtR5/s1600/Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1009" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipu9UxFoK2lLzIwBuofGRMpFSaFS3RpgDuCDTW6jCZlwUdjNAITVWL7TpIdQ3pYBXBNN9Zz597LgcrO4_CXcForIlpWFAPEyS2o2oTrqIwofY-ZAX6gHRHY_oRCs9Cw7-rwet04zSbQtR5/s320/Cover.jpg" width="201" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b> </b></i> </span></div>
<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank">
</a><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-44177216224918645242020-04-30T03:23:00.002-07:002020-05-09T03:36:55.608-07:00From a distance...<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>A tricky subject about which to be humorous, I know, but I thought my Undertakers should really make some comment on this topic...</i></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP6mIDpSdMzt_19zwdOtYeQVYj6UuIs-6Yeqlz1tmTRKsqwht397kT0PseDrujou_QZ2Zk4AfEBdHNDX1IjPo2ISz18Vtg1wKEwlo6XxlO__tDft2X3cXbKpIHhVPC_rRlfTmMCaJiAr2F/s1600/Coffin-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="381" data-original-width="500" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP6mIDpSdMzt_19zwdOtYeQVYj6UuIs-6Yeqlz1tmTRKsqwht397kT0PseDrujou_QZ2Zk4AfEBdHNDX1IjPo2ISz18Vtg1wKEwlo6XxlO__tDft2X3cXbKpIHhVPC_rRlfTmMCaJiAr2F/s320/Coffin-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Josiah Oakshott sat at his desk and tried to make some
headway with the piles of paperwork that littered it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oakshott and Underwood, his firm of Funeral
Directors, were just so busy at the moment that there was rarely time to catch
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything just seemed so immensely difficult.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As his tired eyes read the same paragraph for the fifth
time, the door to his office burst open and Archibald Thurble flung himself in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He slammed the door behind him and stood,
with his back pressed against it, breathing heavily, his eyes darting this way
and that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Archibald!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever
is the matter?” Josiah asked, with some alarm and concern.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“He erm…” Archibald swallowed hard and took a deep breath,
“he threatened to punch my lights out!”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who did?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“That Mr. Blunt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
just came in the office to drop an envelope off for you and I thought I ought
to try and be civil…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Oh dear!” Josiah covered his eyes with his hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bitter experience had taught him that
Archibald’s interactions with the public were almost certain to end in tears,
usually Josiah’s.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“…so, any road, I asked him how many were coming to the
burial and he just went mental!”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Josiah peered over his fingertips at his panting
associate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was clearly going to be
difficult.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I will come to speak to Mr. Blunt at once, Archibald.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Well, I think he’s probably best left for a minute, Mr.
O.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s sat down on one of the sofas,
just breathing heavily and staring into space”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Ah, I see.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah
thought for a moment, “On reflection then, I will speak to him in a few
minutes, once he has had time to calm himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You must not reproach yourself, Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Blunts’ are a large and close-knit family and
they had every reason to expect that they would be able to have a suitably
large family gathering when old Mrs. Blunt passed away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they cannot, under the current
restrictions, is, inevitably a source of immense sadness and regret”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Did she die of this virus thingy?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“No, no Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She had been ill for some considerable time and her passing was by no
means unexpected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is just very
unfortunate that it should happen in the current circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, the distancing requirements will mean
no more than a handful of the family will be able to be at the graveside.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Ah yes, this is that sexual distancing innit” Archibald
nodded, thoughtfully.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“The what?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“The sexual distancing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s what it’s called, right?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I think the term for which you are grasping, Archibald, is
‘social distancing’”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Are you sure, Mr. O.?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I have it on good authority,
Archibald, yes”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Oh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only my girlfriend…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Your girlfriend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really, Archibald?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah couldn’t quite hide the note of
surprise in his voice, “Would this be the young lady in the employ of the fish
and chip shop, of whom you told me before?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Yeah, that’s her” Archibald
nodded and a broad grin suffused his previously troubled features.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“From our previous conversation, I
gathered that you believed you had an ‘understanding’ with the young lady in
question?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Yeah, well, it’s gone a bit
further than that now” Archibald’s grin widened.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You can spare me the details,
Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assure you I have no wish
to pry”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Or fish to fry!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Archibald chuckled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I beg your pardon?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Just a chip shop joke, Mr. O.”
Archibald explained, “We did have an ‘understanding’ but, just lately, well
until all this lark cracked off, she was letting me walk her home of an
evening”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I’m delighted that your
relationship is burgeoning, Archibald”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“That’s when she told me about
this sexual distancing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She won’t let me
get no closer than six feet to her”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Now I begin to understand” Josiah
nodded.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Mind you, I reckon she must have
them permutations”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Do you mean that she does the
football pools?” Josiah was baffled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Football Pools?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I mean like she can tell what is gonna
happen”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Ah, you mean ‘premonitions’”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Do I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, alright, them then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s Clare something”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“That’s a nice name” Josiah
responded, approvingly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“What is?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Clare, from the medieval ‘Clara’
I believe’”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“No, that’s not her name!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her name’s Noreen”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You have me at a loss,
Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your girlfriend’s name is
Noreen but she’s Clare something?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Yeah, that’s right.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Archibald thought furiously for a moment,
“Buoyant!” He announced, triumphantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A keen swimmer then?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Not that I know of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She reckons she sinks like a stone in the
Baths”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You said she was buoyant” Josiah
pointed out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Yeah, she’s Clare Buoyant”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Clare Buoyant? Oh, clairvoyant!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You mean that she can foresee the
future?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah translated with some
relief.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Yeah, that’s it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Cause I started seeing her home last autumn
and that’s when she told me about this ‘sexual distancing’ business, and we
didn’t even have the virus thingy then, did we?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Indeed not, Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were happier and more innocent days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your girlfriend was certainly ahead of her
time” Josiah suggested, diplomatically.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Unless she just didn’t want me
getting me hands on her batter bits” Archibald mused.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I hope and trust that is not some
form of dubious rhyming slang, Archibald?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“No.” Archibald looked puzzled,
“she always brings a big bag of batter bits home with her, which I reckon’s not
fair ‘cause she knows how much I like them, but she won’t let me anywhere near
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind you, if I could get closer, I
could get me hand on her ar…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Archibald!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“…my greatcoat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It looks nice and warm that does and I reckon
it’s big enough for two”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Ahem, yes, I see.” Josiah blushed
a little, “I fear, Archibald, that it may be some considerable time before you
and your young lady are able to share batter bits…or anything else for that
matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I must attend to Mr. Blunt.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“What are you going to say to
him?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“There’s little of any consequence
that I can say, in all honesty, Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, I have, over the past few weeks, developed a form of words that
seem to bring a modicum of comfort.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Josiah headed toward the door, deep in thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stopped and turned to Archibald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It is particularly galling, Archibald that,
at a time when mourning has never been more important, families are unable to
share their communal grief.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah
sighed, deeply, “But, we are where we are and must rub along with it as best we
can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would imagine that there will be
a considerable demand for memorial services when this is all over”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You’ll say the right things, Mr.
O.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You always do” Archibald reassured.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Good of you to say so, Archibald.”
Josiah smiled at his employee, who was looking anxious and concerned, “You’re a
kind person, Archibald, I hope you and your young lady have a happy future
together”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“From a distance, eh Mr. O.?”
Archibald grinned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Indeed, from a distance,
Archibald.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josiah took a deep breath
and headed out of the door.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You can find a lot more from Josiah and Archibald in the new collection of their stories:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 67.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank"><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">'A Dubious Undertaking and other stories' </span></b></a><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;">just 99p (or equivalent) </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<a href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" target="_blank"><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
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Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-42893884483389466592020-03-27T07:54:00.002-07:002020-04-04T13:40:41.955-07:00The Undertakers are here, Ma'am!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwyMbUIhSTQIEBY3XX3R46EhX9kwbrdlLTa_3vgcXWHyAslhyphenhyphenCXS43qb9igLTLB41aHdLkbYHuF_VD77E4O69452NIDq8sOlbCrUp0zoGTsPuZw6imdd01ASsdOBRNEgjAgMGSSZsCGFBh/s1600/Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1009" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwyMbUIhSTQIEBY3XX3R46EhX9kwbrdlLTa_3vgcXWHyAslhyphenhyphenCXS43qb9igLTLB41aHdLkbYHuF_VD77E4O69452NIDq8sOlbCrUp0zoGTsPuZw6imdd01ASsdOBRNEgjAgMGSSZsCGFBh/s400/Cover.jpg" width="251" /></a></div>
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<br />
<b>FREE AGAIN FOR ONE DAY ONLY, SUNDAY 5TH APRIL!</b></div>
<br />
"A
selection of darkly humorous tales about two hapless undertakers,
Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble, and the troubles that befall them
and their clients. Also, some stories about two precocious children you
really wouldn't want to tangle with - Peregrine and Prudence. If you
want to know who blew up the crematorium, why Mrs Anderby had an
unfortunate encounter with some potting compost and how an Anti-Santa
found himself in captivity, you could do a lot worse than read this
book! If you like your humour slightly dark and rather silly, then this
is the tome for you."</div>
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That's the blurb but many of you will already know my
Undertakers, Josiah and Archibald and the precocious pairing of
Peregrine and Prudence because many of the short stories about these
characters have first appeared here. Thanks to all of you
who have taken the time to read these and particular thanks to those
who have taken the time to comment. I'm now delighted to have gathered
all of these stories together in one book, which was published as a
Kindle edition, today. The purpose of this is not to make money (at
just 99p the only real winner will be Amazon) but to provide a chuckle
and something to read at a time when we all need both of those things
more than ever. In that spirit, the book will be FREE this weekend
(28th & 29th March) but I can never figure out when these promotions
start and finish, thanks to Amazon's insistence on using Pacific
Daylight Time! </div>
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I'm approaching this with a little trepidation. This is
my first all-fiction book for many years. My last attempt was a
novella that was given a thoroughly deserved mauling on its appearance
and which I later unpublished (is there such a word) to expunge the
shameful reviews. I like to think I've learned my lesson and that this
book demonstrates a better understanding of humour and readable writing,
but we'll see.</div>
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Anyway, see what you think. Keep safe, keep well and keep reading :-)</div>
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<a class="ext" href="http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">A Dubious Undertaking and other stories<span aria-label="(link is external)" class="ext"></span></a></div>
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Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-43969254211633859752020-03-20T05:08:00.002-07:002020-03-20T05:08:58.970-07:00<br />
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I'M FREE! As Mr. Humphries famously used to say <span class="_47e3 _5mfr" title="wink emoticon"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t57/1/16/1f609.png" width="16" /><span aria-hidden="true" class="_7oe">;-)</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj53yczskY3_zu4U0Zz1lkuiQPUJP3HgK83YZa8OZTRFukk9dYrTiWuUX29uHBS8Tbu8FEhM6xRRwy5Ec6CQFiZoM_6_TqNHt90MSg3vPfYmbSnBZw0wiG5616_-chG9zMUFT0jmuj-iCOK/s1600/john_inman_r_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="185" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj53yczskY3_zu4U0Zz1lkuiQPUJP3HgK83YZa8OZTRFukk9dYrTiWuUX29uHBS8Tbu8FEhM6xRRwy5Ec6CQFiZoM_6_TqNHt90MSg3vPfYmbSnBZw0wiG5616_-chG9zMUFT0jmuj-iCOK/s1600/john_inman_r_1.jpg" /></a></div>
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I don't normally do this but, in the current unpleasantness, we're all
going to need things to read. In picking which of my books to offer
FREE, it just had to be this one, given that this is what's on offer at
most supermarkets at the moment!<br />
<br />
Please enjoy and, if you happen to like it, a review on Amazon would be much appreciated <span class="_47e3 _5mfr" title="smile emoticon"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t4c/1/16/1f642.png" width="16" /><span aria-hidden="true" class="_7oe">:-)</span></span><br />
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Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-49944378530684760512019-10-31T08:12:00.003-07:002019-10-31T08:12:35.520-07:00Trick or Treat?<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm rather fond of these two characters, Peregrine and Prudence. I wondered how they might approach Hallowe'en...</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The owner of the house was
eventually dragged from his cosy spot in front of the television by the
insistent knocking on his front door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Opening it, he found two small figures, one a girl, dressed as a witch
with chalk-white face and startling black make-up around the eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was engrossed in her task of ferrying
sweets from a bucket she was carrying, into her mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next to her was what appeared to be a,
slightly taller figure, resembling an Alsatian standing on its hind legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The overall impression was somewhat startling
but what made it odder still was that both figures were sharing a scarf*.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Mmmf ur mmmf?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Alsatian enquired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Pardon?" The
householder responded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Alsatian muttered something,
gripped itself under the chin and, after some pulling and tugging, removed a
hairy mask to reveal a young boy underneath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I do beg your pardon"
The lad politely responded, whilst attempting to flatten his hair down,
"the mask does not lend itself to clear communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My name is Peregrine, the small person next
to me, currently attempting to break the world record for the consumption of
cheap sweets, is my sister, Prudence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What I was trying to convey through my less than convincing Wolfman
mask…"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Oh, was that what it
was?" The householder responded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Indeed, I must own to
having doubts about it from the start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyway, as I was trying to enunciate…Trick or Treat?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Trick or Treat?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Yes, not my preferred
tradition I must admit but needs must…our father, who is something of a
traditionalist, urged us to try to resurrect 'Penny for the Guy' but, as I
pointed out to him, even if Prudence and I were capable of constructing a Guy
worthy of exhibition, at a penny a view it would take virtually the entire
population of the town to finance a modest firework display, hence, Trick or
Treat?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Ah, I see, so…" The
householder began in an effort to staunch the flow of words from his verbose
visitor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I must, on behalf of my
sister, express a preference for cheap sweets in volume, if you have them"
Peregrine smiled, winningly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prudence
attempted to do the same but was somewhat hampered by the number of sweets in
her mouth and was reduced to a sickly grin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"What if I opted for
'Trick'" asked the householder, who held the misguided belief that he
could joke with children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Peregrine sighed deeply, "I
have to admit that I wish that were not an option but I suppose I have to
remain true to the traditions of our transatlantic cousins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father refers to the whole process as 'demanding
benefits with menaces' but he's a policeman so I suppose that is the sort of
thing he would say"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"What would it be then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eggs and flour?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The householder chuckled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"No, not at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be crude and entirely
unnecessary."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine seemed a
little distracted,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He rummaged for a
moment in a pocket before producing what appeared to be a reddish-orange tennis-ball
sized piece of Plasticine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rolling it
around in his hand he seemed lost in thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then, eventually, "Have you heard of C4?" he asked,
conversationally.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"C…C…C4?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn't that some form of gelignite or
something?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Ah no, a common
misconception. gelignite is really a form of dynamite, quite an old-fashioned,
albeit effective, explosive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, C4
belongs to that more modern family of explosives known as plastic explosives,
of which Semtex is also a member.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>C4,
however, is off-white in colour, I understand, whereas Semtex is a sort of
brick red orange" Peregrine looked, meaningfully, at the reddish orange
ball in his hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Are you…are you saying
that's Semtex?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The householder
backed a couple of yards into his hall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"What, this?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine looked with astonishment at the
ball in his hand, "Good heavens, no!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why, it would be the height of irresponsibility to wander the streets
with a ball of Semtex in your pocket, would it not?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine chuckled and tossed the ball into
the air, unfortunately he failed to catch it and it hit the driveway with a
muffled thud "Oops, butterfingers" he exclaimed and bent to collect
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The householder was, by now,
crouched in a corner of the hall with his arms and hands covering his head.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"For God's sake!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He screamed, "You'll blow us all to
kingdom come!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"It's Plasticine!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine explained, "I'm in the habit
of carrying a ball about my person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don't
ask me why, just one of the idiosyncrasies of youth, I suppose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm truly sorry if you connected my musings
about explosives with the Plasticine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Father says that I have an enquiring mind and I do have a tendency to ponder
about topics that interest me, don't I Pru?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Oh, yes" Prudence
confirmed, "Father also says you're a complete liability and you'll be the
death of someone, one of these days"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Hah! Prudence will have her
little joke" Peregrine smiled, indulgently but shot his sister a look.
"No, this…" he threw the reddish-orange ball in the air and caught it
expertly, this time, "this is Plasticine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This, on the other hand…"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
produced a similar sized ball from his left-hand pocket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was off-white in colour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Look!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The householder frantically searched in his
pockets and finally produced a wallet, "I don't have any sweets but,
here's a fiver…"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"A fiver?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine smiled weakly and raised an
eyebrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"No, no, of course not, what
was I thinking?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The householder
rummaged further in his wallet, "Here's a tenner…no, here's twenty quid,
you can buy as many sweets as you like with that" he grinned, nervously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I'm sure Prudence is
enumerating them as we speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you
so much for your very generous contribution, I'm…" but the door had been
slammed shut, as had the living room door from the sound of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Well!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That was a little rude, I must say!" Peregrine said with some
feeling, adding the note to a roll of similar valued currency in his pocket.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Not as rude as that man at
14b, he said you were a little c…"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Prudence commented.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I really don't think we
need to revisit the obscenities spouted by the man at 14b, Pru."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peregrine interrupted as they walked down the
drive, "now, here are the balls of Plasticine, you can do that bit at the
next house and I'll eat the sweets"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Ok Fido" Prudence
chuckled as Peregrine donned his Wolfman mask, again, "I'll bet I can get
£50 out of the next one" She giggled as she skipped down the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">* See <a href="https://www.abctales.com/story/philwhiteland/youd-better-watch-out" style="color: red; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">'You'd Better Watch Out'</a> for the explanation<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">THE END<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now take a look at our brand new collection of stories, with all profits going toward the winter feed requirements of the animals at TURN Education C.I.C.</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://mybook.to/animalturns" target="_blank">Animal Turns</a></span></b></div>
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<br />Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-88930982817246823502019-10-30T07:15:00.001-07:002019-10-30T07:15:18.640-07:00Animal Turns Right Here!<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We're delighted to announce that the print copies of the new book 'Animal Turns' have now arrived. Find out more about the book <a href="http://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/10/animal-turns.html" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: red;">here </span></b></a>and contact me for a copy on:</span><br />
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<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">philwhiteland@philwhiteland.plus.com</span></b></div>
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Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-64837513651474144112019-10-21T06:36:00.000-07:002019-10-21T06:36:11.643-07:00Animal Turns<br />
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://mybook.to/animalturns" target="_blank">Animal Turns</a></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For some time now I've thought it might be a good idea to put together a collection of my stories that feature animals. At the same time, I thought I would like to publish a book that helped a particular charity. This year, I've managed to combine the two ideas! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">'Animal Turns' is a collection of 12 heart-warming, engaging but, most of all, amusing stories about animals, both real and imaginary. Some stories are from previous collections, others have never been published in book-form before. To quote from the blurb:</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Philip has gathered together a whole bunch of amusing stories about the animals in his life (with the help of Packham, the chocolate Labrador, of course). All of the profits from this book will go towards helping TURN Education C.I.C. to achieve their objectives of helping children and their families to Tackle Underachievement and Realise New beginnings."</span></i><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">In this book you'll listen in to the 'conversations' of Packham (a chocolate-brown labrador who delights in being called 'the face of TURN Education') and his friend, India. You'll hear, amongst other things, about my childhood indiscretions with dog biscuits, our dog's near-fatal fascination for railway workers, how a cat and her kittens unexpectedly came to stay, what the ox and the ass had to say in that stable on <i>that </i>night and what the camels that brought the wise men had to say about it all. If you like animals and enjoy a giggle, you can't fail to be amused.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333;">As it says above, all of the profits from this book will be going to help TURN Education, a local Community Interest Company, continue their excellent animal-based therapy for children and their families. You can find out a lot more about TURN and its objectives by following this </span><a href="http://turneducation.co.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"><b>link</b></span></a><span style="color: #333333;">.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">The book is only available as a paperback edition at the moment, as we felt it would make an excellent stocking-filler in the forthcoming festivities. The price is just £4.99 and, although we would be delighted if you bought the book at all, if you buy it through Amazon we won't be able to maximise the amount that eventually gets to TURN because, understandably, Amazon takes its share. Therefore, if you could consider buying directly from me, that would ensure that a good chunk of the book price will go to TURN with no deductions for administration or anything - just a straightforward donation of the whole profit.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">To order the book, just drop me an email at </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">philwhiteland@philwhiteland.plus.com<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and we'll put the wheels in motion for you.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We do hope you'll order the book, either through Amazon or ourselves, and we would like to thank you, in advance, for taking an interest. Packham has promised to wag his tail extra hard if you do :-)</span></span></div>
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Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-45029180124955329572019-07-23T04:22:00.000-07:002019-07-23T05:01:59.550-07:00Four Meals and a Teabreak<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Moscow Skyline</i></span></div>
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Part 6 of The Moscow Chronicles! Follow the links for </span><span style="color: red;"><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/05/moscow-calling.html" style="color: #7c93a1;"><b><span style="color: red;">Part 1 - Moscow Calling</span></b></a>, </span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/taksi.html" style="color: #7c93a1; font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: red;">Part 2 - Taksi!</span></a><span style="color: red; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><b style="color: red; text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/night-in-city.html" style="color: red; text-decoration-line: none;">Part 3 - Night in the City</a> </b><span style="text-decoration-line: none;"> </span><span style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: red; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/the-road-to-red-square.html"><span style="color: red;">Part 4 - The Road to Red Square</span></a> </span>and <a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/07/a-bridge-too-far.html" style="color: red; font-weight: bold;">Part 5 - A Bridge Too Far</a></span></span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="text-align: justify;">I left the man swimming in the
park to it and made my way back to the hotel.</span><span style="text-align: justify;">
</span><span style="text-align: justify;">It was galling that I was going to have to walk past it, on the opposite
bank, in order to get to the next bridge but, after my travails with the
traffic and finding Red Square shut, it was the least of my problems.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="text-align: justify;">I now had a couple of hours in
which to do some last minute checking of my lessons for the next two days
before heading out again.</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">It was Friday
night and Cliff, our local ‘fixer’ and licence-holder for the course, had
arranged for my two male colleagues, whose programme this was, to accompany him
to a local Sports Bar to watch an English football match of some import.</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">They had, quite rightly, formed the opinion
that this wouldn’t be quite my thing and, as it might involve the consumption
of a number of beverages, might not be appropriate as I was to commence
teaching in the morning.</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">I had,
therefore, been consigned to go with my female colleague, who had finished her
teaching stint that day, and with Elena (Cliff’s right-hand woman) to a local
restaurant.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I met my colleague and Elena in
the hotel foyer and we set off into the deep chill and darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had half-expected that Elena would have a
car or, at least, the use of the driver who had brought me from the airport,
but this didn’t appear to be the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We set off over some wasteland and were presently climbing a grassy
bank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elena, being younger and fitter
than either of us, made it to the top of the bank first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we joined her, gasping and panting and
somewhat nonplussed, we were amazed to find that we were now on the side of one
of Moscow’s six-lane highways, teeming with rush-hour traffic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elena was standing by the side of the highway
with her thumb out and my spirits plummeted. I didn’t think she stood much chance but, within a matter of minutes,
there was a queue of about 12 or 15 cars parked on the side, some private cars
and some taxis. Elena worked her way
along the queue, conversing with each driver in turn. Eventually she made her choice and beckoned
us across. We climbed into a small, red
Lada driven by a cheerful chap who was clearly on his way home from work. Elena and my colleague were in the back, I
was sitting next to the driver. I
immediately learned, from his disapproving looks, that wearing a seat belt was
not considered the done thing. Elena
later told me that it was seen as expressing a lack of confidence in the
driver. Elena barked out a destination
and we rejoined the traffic. It was
apparent that the driver spoke no English, which was fair enough as I spoke no
Russian. A few minutes later, he dropped
us at our destination, Elena gave him a few roubles and he drove off happily.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Not unsurprisingly, we quizzed
Elena about this arrangement and it transpired that this was a common way for
people on their way home from work to earn a few roubles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had worked her way along the cars that
had stopped until she had obtained the best deal for the journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We followed her to our venue, which was a
fast-food restaurant chain called (if memory serves me correctly)
‘Moo-Moo’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a cafeteria-style
place serving traditional Russian food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t remember what we had as I didn’t recognise anything much but we
finished up with a plateful of something and then returned to our hotel by the
same system that we employed before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Overall, it was a pretty surreal experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The following morning, Cliff
picked me up and drove me to the hotel where the classes were taking
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He introduced me to the students,
who were a great bunch, and promised to return at lunch to take me for a bite
to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The students were really bright
and many occupied quite senior positions in their respective industries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In many cases they had travelled many
hundreds of miles to attend this course and I had the greatest respect for
their determination to succeed and for their ability to learn a complex subject
in a foreign language.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">At lunchtime, Cliff drove me to
another hotel where I sampled caviar for the first time at a hotel snack
bar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards, Cliff gave me a quick
tour of some of the sights on our way back to class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I managed to take a couple of photos through
the car window (see below) but the enduring image that hugely surprised me
and made me laugh out loud was the sudden appearance of a giant golden statue
of Charles de Gaulle, glimpsed down a side street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just seemed so incongruous!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">At the end of my first day of
teaching, we all gathered together for the last time and Cliff took us to his
favourite restaurant for a farewell meal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This turned out to be, somewhat surprisingly, a genuine American Diner
in the city centre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the proper
steel trailer type design with appropriately dressed waitresses (although the
American customer service values were somewhat missing).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dithered over the extensive menu until
Cliff said would I like to try his recommendation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grateful not to have to make a choice, I
agreed and, like him, ordered steak, fries and gravy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to say it was one of the most
delicious meals I’ve ever had.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On Sunday, all of my colleagues
were heading back to the U.K., I had one more day of teaching and then I, too,
would be returning on the Monday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cliff
again took me to my class and also took me for lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was another exercise in surreality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had to wait for a table to become
available in this gigantic hotel he had chosen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There seemed to be some sort of conference or something going on as
there were hordes of people in attendance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Within a short while, it became obvious that we were in the middle of a
body-building competition as hulking blokes, swathed in oil and very little
else, made their way between the tables on their way to the arena, accompanied
by their entourages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the weirdest
lunch hour I think I’ve ever spent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That afternoon, at tea break, I
joined my students in the hotel bar for a cup of tea (with lemon, of course,
not milk).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was an older chap, who
was obviously English, sitting in the corner so I struck up a conversation with
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It tuned out that he was there
teaching a different batch of students accountancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t look like he was particularly
enjoying the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him if
he would be going home soon and he sadly shook his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently he had another assignment to teach
another class but this time in Sakhalin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you don’t know, Sakhalin is an island in the North Pacific and is the
furthermost western point of Russia, some 3,948 miles away and a 7 hour
flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave him my condolences and
reflected happily on the fact that I would be going home tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">At the end of the day, Cliff
picked me up and apologised that he wouldn’t be able to join me for dinner as
he needed to spend some time with his family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This left me to fend for myself but I had spotted that there was a pizza
place a short walk from my hotel, so I took myself off to there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a bit like the Bella Pasta range and I
enjoyed a perfectly good pizza and a pint of Baltika.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seemed to be the place where all the
bright young things went and I felt slightly out of it, sitting there on my,
nursing my lager.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nevertheless, I had
survived my two days of teaching and could now look forward to getting home and
enjoying the build up to Christmas before I had to start the whole process again
with the second part of my course, in January.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I paid my bill, filched a drip mat as a souvenir, and headed back to my
hotel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_BeWn5CSWq7JW7SeKKjqu1qeLkcGjXP08U1xwbsRGU4bV3wgLqSOuKwlxMwZNicNUgs4tOpUeXlrF2e1C_Bvvf4PmEBtWSNTroP9Obr_vCxyHSwXHySiS25Gl1Nzv27rCHFjCE3615zjX/s1600/IMG_20190722_0002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1076" data-original-width="1092" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_BeWn5CSWq7JW7SeKKjqu1qeLkcGjXP08U1xwbsRGU4bV3wgLqSOuKwlxMwZNicNUgs4tOpUeXlrF2e1C_Bvvf4PmEBtWSNTroP9Obr_vCxyHSwXHySiS25Gl1Nzv27rCHFjCE3615zjX/s200/IMG_20190722_0002.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoW-NuMHW4j6WRFGDODcq18WupGWGc-9J-eeFdgMPrCwXqlYyhdk78xcpdvEKaB67UIQzMlkzypBoacUr7pndxVQsHwLBw1LUJ92mVqv_9aVWzT1iAwdTlf6ipZqYuRHCnqhoXN8Is73ny/s1600/IMG_20190722_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1072" data-original-width="1096" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoW-NuMHW4j6WRFGDODcq18WupGWGc-9J-eeFdgMPrCwXqlYyhdk78xcpdvEKaB67UIQzMlkzypBoacUr7pndxVQsHwLBw1LUJ92mVqv_9aVWzT1iAwdTlf6ipZqYuRHCnqhoXN8Is73ny/s200/IMG_20190722_0001.jpg" width="200" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Watch out for more from The Moscow
Chronicles coming soon! You can find a lot more from Philip </i><i><b><span style="color: red;"><a href="http://mybook.to/nostalgedycollection" target="_blank">here</a></span></b></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiigyLJ5D5J5ycsFoue5rplWaARM21erQqYiFpdRx8lMQ63zyHBQ44mjybri4oeTXFgZiKjkl48bsZnc8XUTe9kucoO9kmcESzenkTPPZmc2PA0lFCMysFkX4hRBjxXdCDu2PwmYnADiffM/s1600/Cover+Thumbnails+with+hyperlinks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiigyLJ5D5J5ycsFoue5rplWaARM21erQqYiFpdRx8lMQ63zyHBQ44mjybri4oeTXFgZiKjkl48bsZnc8XUTe9kucoO9kmcESzenkTPPZmc2PA0lFCMysFkX4hRBjxXdCDu2PwmYnADiffM/s640/Cover+Thumbnails+with+hyperlinks.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-73340578842780092332019-07-17T07:34:00.003-07:002019-07-17T07:34:40.605-07:00A Bridge Too Far?<br />
<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Being the fifth part of The Moscow Chronicles! Follow the links for </span><span style="color: red;"><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/05/moscow-calling.html" style="color: #7c93a1; text-decoration-line: none;"><b><span style="color: red;">Part 1 - Moscow Calling</span></b></a>, </span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/taksi.html" style="color: #7c93a1; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: red;">Part 2 - Taksi!</span></a><span style="color: red; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><b style="color: red; text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/night-in-city.html" style="color: red; text-decoration-line: none;">Part 3 - Night in the City</a> </b><span style="text-decoration-line: none;">and </span><b style="text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="http://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/the-road-to-red-square.html"><span style="color: red;">Part 4 - The Road to Red Square</span></a></b></span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having singularly failed to get
into Red Square and see the Kremlin, and having been frightened out of my skin
by a young couple who just wanted me to take their picture, I decided it was
time to head back to the relative safety of my hotel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To add a little variety to the journey (and
hopefully find more reliable footpaths) I decided to head down the other side
of the Moskva river and then cross the bridge before my hotel (see map below).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tourist Map of Moscow - my hotel is circled in the bottom right corner</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My journey back was relatively
uneventful until I came to the bridge I had intended to cross to get back to
the side on which my hotel stood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
climbed up the steps and was more than a little surprised to find that the
bridge was under repair and had no roadway at all, just the girders of the
bridge itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there were any signs
warning about this, I didn’t see them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was apparent that this wasn’t a big concern to the Muscovites as one
or two of them were picking their way across the bridge along the girders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a mad few moments I considered this
option.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was getting tired and this
bridge was my last opportunity to cross before I reached my hotel, the next
bridge would require me to walk past my hotel to get to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, I looked down into the blackness of the
river far below and considered just how likely it would be that anyone would
notice, or for that matter, care, if I fell to my doom?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided that discretion was the better part
of valour and headed back down the steps.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By and large I decided I had more
than had my fill of hiking along the river and would be glad to get back to my
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My route took me past a small park
with a lake (see map) and I thought it might be nice to sit for a while in the
sunshine and contemplate the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
found a nice spot and rested my weary feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Despite the -5C temperature, there were quite a few people in the park,
particularly mothers with children feeding the ducks (which goes to show that
things are the same the whole world over).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I particularly noticed a scruffy bloke standing a few yards away from me
in the trees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was standing with his
dog (equally scruffy) which he had on a length of rope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was staring intently at the water and kept
rubbing his unshaven chin, as if deep in thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a bit worried about what he might be
contemplating and whether it would involve something deeply unsavoury happening
to the dog (look, I’m British, we have our priorities, ok?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Quite a few minutes elapsed with
the scruffy man staring at the water, rubbing his chin, looking down at the dog
and so on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried not to stare but it
was difficult to avoid doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
know why, but I became convinced that he was thinking about going in for a
swim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This seemed an unlikely prospect
as the lake was half-covered in pretty thick ice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had just about decided I was seeing things
that simply weren’t there, when he suddenly came to a conclusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He tied his dog to the nearest tree and then
methodically began to undress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First his
flat cap and jacket were neatly hung on a tree branch, then his trousers and
shirt and, finally, his vest and socks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now clad in some rather grey-but-once-were-white underpants, he pottered
down to the lake and waded in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You have to say, he must have
been made of rather stern stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
power on this Earth would have convinced me to part with as much as my
overcoat, let alone strip down to my underpants and I dread to think what the
water would have felt like at that temperature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What really amused me was that the ducks, most of whom were wandering
about on the ice, pottered over to watch him breast-stroking his way across the
lake from their frozen vantage point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
tried to capture the moment on camera but I don’t think I really got the best
of it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0KYMNrXPubR9BPbb4f1vsoO5cpXz1gPZ4-qiTKrUwWlybZ1ZQ_evKvjTFvvNyUQRZlWM7ydDt19LpDZ8d3jzSRNSsIiSOMjw7g5GR7sn2M28GsPgoRFYI8IVihAXvDmptsuNYVWKnbiv6/s1600/Moscow+10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="832" height="473" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0KYMNrXPubR9BPbb4f1vsoO5cpXz1gPZ4-qiTKrUwWlybZ1ZQ_evKvjTFvvNyUQRZlWM7ydDt19LpDZ8d3jzSRNSsIiSOMjw7g5GR7sn2M28GsPgoRFYI8IVihAXvDmptsuNYVWKnbiv6/s640/Moscow+10.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Watch out for Part 6 of The Moscow Chronicles coming soon. You can find a lot more from Philip </span><b><span style="color: red; text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="http://mybook.to/nostalgedycollection" style="text-decoration-line: none;">here</a></span></b></span></span></i><br />
<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span></i>
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span></i>Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958078111765591815.post-19763282811963388502019-06-27T05:57:00.001-07:002019-07-17T07:36:39.200-07:00The Road to Red Square<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggtb87fc6eR_IdSK2HWdlkivO0ugFt39Fy3Z2uDXdvhzkKhKmPP8Pes5hEe1Gyp0vB9SOUAnDYqtXoaLMpN2ZZk7Rk7thy62mAr5bFypaRvLs8496KYFZIxrFIfFbz04aKmh20YX-9p1x7/s1600/Moscow+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="642" data-original-width="815" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggtb87fc6eR_IdSK2HWdlkivO0ugFt39Fy3Z2uDXdvhzkKhKmPP8Pes5hEe1Gyp0vB9SOUAnDYqtXoaLMpN2ZZk7Rk7thy62mAr5bFypaRvLs8496KYFZIxrFIfFbz04aKmh20YX-9p1x7/s400/Moscow+3.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Being the fourth part of The Moscow Chronicles! Follow the links for <span style="color: red;"><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/05/moscow-calling.html"><b><span style="color: red;">Part 1 - Moscow Calling</span></b></a>, </span> <b><a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/taksi.html"><span style="color: red;">Part 2 - Taksi!</span></a><span style="color: red;"> </span></b>and <a href="https://philwhiteland.blogspot.com/2019/06/night-in-city.html" style="color: red;"><b>Part 3 - Night in the City</b></a></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I awoke bright and early the next
morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it was relatively early
for me and I’m never all that bright in the morning, but I did my best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I staggered down to the dining room which was
somewhat gloomy, which rather matched my mood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The gloom was a consequence of the fact that it was below street level,
with the only windows high up on the wall, looking out on the pavement above. This
was exacerbated by low-level lighting and the relatively short Moscow day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grubbed around in the gloom and managed to
cobble together something vaguely approaching a Full English.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I wasn’t entirely surprised to
find none of my colleagues in attendance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They all had their work to do whereas I had the day at leisure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The question was, what was I going to do with
it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On my way back to the room, I
picked up a tourist map of the city and noted approvingly that the sun was
attempting to shine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My original
intention was to have a mooch around in the general area of the hotel so that I
could have a better idea of my immediate surroundings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t been able to see much when I arrived
the previous night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, wrapped
up well against the -5C prevailing outside, I ventured out into Moscow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It was, by now, a bright and
beautiful autumn day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a look at
the Moskva River and then, gathering a little more courage, crossed the river
by the nearby bridge and had a look at the exterior of the hotel before
crossing back and then ruminating about what to do next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My hotel from across the Moskva river<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I decided, given that it was my
only chance to sightsee, that I really should be adventurous and try and see
some of the more famous sites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the
tourist map it seemed to me that I should be able to reach Red Square if I just
kept the river to my right (see map below, hotel is circled in the bottom right
hand section)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The only problem with this was
that there was no scale on the map, so I had no idea of what distance was
involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The simpler option would have
been to take the fabled underground, but I had little in the way of currency
and even less in the way of courage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
decided to walk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On reflection, I really should
have read some of the advice printed on the back of the map.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The very first thing it says is “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Moscow drivers are quite aggressive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please look for and use underground passes
wherever possible and be extra careful when crossing streets</i>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, fancy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I found this to be true in relatively short order.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The main problem with being a
pedestrian (at least in 2005) was that Moscow seemed to have a rather lackadaisical
attitude with regard to pavements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
many occasions I found that the pavement I was confidently striding along, just
disappeared leaving me standing in the direct line of traffic, which seemed to
see me as providing good target practice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This often happened when you were trying to work your way around the
strut of a bridge or the sharp corner of a building, which meant that your
appearance in the road was somewhat like the Demon King in pantomime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rapidly learned to peer carefully around
any such corner and be prepared to duck back very quickly if there was anything
coming in the opposite direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
also quite usual for road works to suddenly make what little pavement there was
completely impassable, with no alternative provided.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I had started the journey in a
state of some wariness, largely connected to being a stranger in a strange land,
but also because all of my impressions of Moscow to date had come from 1960s
spy films and it was difficult to shake off the vague feeling of being a marked
man, particularly when every car seemed to have my number on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This odd feeling of being in a 1960s spy film
was further enhanced when I noticed, on the opposite side of the river, a
series of army trucks making their way along the road laden with armed
soldiers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of a sudden, this did not
seem like any other city, anywhere in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I later discovered that the rationale for the
troop movements was that the authorities were anticipating demonstrations
objecting to the imposition of a new public holiday, in replacement for the
traditional holiday normally held the following week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Road to Red Square</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What with playing chicken with
the Moscow traffic and the troop movements across the river, I was in a fine
state of apprehension by the time that I finally reached the bridge leading to
Red Square and the Kremlin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was also
conscious of the fact that I had walked considerably farther than I had
originally intended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nevertheless,
before me were the impossibly colourful spires of St. Basil’s, looking like
something Walt Disney might have dreamed up in one of his wilder moments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">St. Basil’s</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I wasn’t sure whether I was
disappointed, or not, to discover that access to Red Square had been shut off
for the same reason as the troop movements I had previously observed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I leant against the railings of the bridge
and contemplated the Moskva.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that
moment, there was a tap on my shoulder and I leapt about six feet in the air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This rather amused the young Russian couple
behind me who simply wanted me to take their picture with St. Basil’s in the
background.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">By the way, if you think the
quality of my ‘holiday snaps’ in this article isn’t up to much (and I would agree)
that’s because all of the pictures I saved from my trip have inexplicably
disappeared from my hard drive (cue the theme tune to ‘The Twilight Zone’) and
I’ve had to rely on my one and only print of the thumbnails of those pictures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Curiouser and curiouser!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The bridge on which I jumped a mile (with Red Square in the background)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now read Part 5 of The Moscow Chronicles - <a href="https://www.abctales.com/blog/philwhiteland/bridge-too-far"><b><span style="color: red;">A Bridge Too Far? </span></b></a> You can find a lot more from Philip <b><span style="color: red;"><a href="http://mybook.to/nostalgedycollection">here</a></span></b></span></span></i></div>
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<br />Philip Whitelandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16135730865476903056noreply@blogger.com0