Packham and India
My grandson wanted a sequel to 'A Panda Called Mick ', so this is it.
Being of an orderly mind, he wanted Packham to understand what was
really going on this time, which is something of a tall order for a
Chocolate Labrador but we've given it our best shot ;-)
Packham and India were racing
each other across the field to try to be first to grab the, rather battered and
distinctly smelly, tennis ball that had just been thrown for them. Packham was first to it but skidded on the wet
grass and missed it by inches. India, just at his heels, grabbed it from under
his nose and galloped on with her tail in the air.
“Ahg god ther gall, Ahg god ther
gall!” She said, triumphantly, in a sing-song voice.
Packham, who had been chasing
after her, stopped suddenly and sat down.
He regarded her with a frown and then, tipping his head to one side, he
said, quite politely, “Pardon?”
“Ah gaid, Ahg god ther…oh” India
dropped the ball at her feet and continued, “I said that…”
But Packham had sprung up and
whipped the ball from in front of her.
“Hah, hah, ha, hah, hah” He
laughed in a sing-song way, “Nah, Ahg god ther gall”
“That’s cheating!” India scowled, “It’s always the same, boys
always cheat!”
“No, ee gon’t!” Packham retorted;
his mouth still full of tennis ball.
“Do!” India shouted back,
“anyway, I’m not sure we should be out here.
Not with the…” She looked all around her, carefully, before saying in a
whisper, “not with the Panda about”
“Ah” Packham stopped cavorting
around and sat down in front of her. He
dropped the ball at his feet and quickly placed his right front paw on top of
it, when he saw India about to lunge forward. “I’ve been having a conversation
with Flynn about that and I’m not sure I was absolutely right”
“You’ve been having a
conversation with Flynn? Did you have
much to say to him?” India asked,
sarcastically.
“Well, all right, I was listening
to Flynn then.” Packham admitted, “He doesn’t speak Dog, but he told me all
about it” he added, importantly.
“I assume it doesn’t involve a
Panda?” India asked with one raised
eyebrow.
“Well, no” Packham said in a low
voice and stared hard at the ground, to avoid India’s gaze, “it doesn’t.”
“So what it is it then? An invisible antelope? A gorilla?
Perhaps it’s a gnu?” India sniggered.
“No, it’s none of those things”
“And you were listening properly
this time?” India’s eyebrow was still firmly raised.
“Well, yes, only there was some
important scratching that I’d got to do and I’m still looking for that dog
biscuit that I’m sure I dropped in the crate, you know. But I think I got most of it.” Packham took a deep breath and tried to
remember everything he had been told. “It’s
like this. You know when you were a pup
and you had to go to the vet’s and they stuck things in the back of your neck?”
“Oh, don’t remind me!” India lay
down on the ground and covered her face with her front paws, “that was awful.”
“Well, you remember that you
didn’t feel very well for a day or two afterwards?”
“Yeah, I don’t know why?” India
nodded.
“Well, Flynn says that it’s
because of a walrus.”
“A walrus?” India was astonished.
“Yes, they give you a little tiny
version of this walrus that would make you really poorly if you caught it
normally. It’s called Maxine.”
“This tiny walrus is called
Maxine?” India now had both eyebrows
raised. “Why would they do that? Sounds like a horrible thing to do to a
puppy!” She said, indignantly.
“Ah, but that’s the clever
bit!” Packham said, proudly showing off
his new found knowledge, “what happens is, there are these helpful things
inside you, called Aunties, that are really good at fighting things like
walruses, and when they come across this little tiny walrus…”
“Called Maxine?” India suggested.
“Yes, called Maxine…then they can
quickly jump up and down on it and kick it out.
So, they learn how to beat it when it’s tiny, then if the bigger
version ever gets in, they’re ready for it!
Cool, isn’t it?” Packham grinned.
“And these helpful things, these
Aunties…?”
“Yes, they’re great. They use their bodies to fight the walrus.” Packham explained, “Auntie bodies, you
see. There’s a lot of them and they’re
all really helpful. There’s Auntie
Bacterial, Auntie Biotic and Auntie Histamine for a start off.”
“So, like Auntie Jody who comes
to help Mum?”
“Exactly” Packham nodded
vigorously, “and look how helpful she is.
She wouldn’t have any problems with a walrus now, would she?”
“I shouldn’t think so” India
agreed.
“But, if you don’t have this
Maxine, and we haven’t got one at the moment, then we’re all at risk from these
walruses and that’s dangerous because they’re…”
Packham realised that he was definitely getting out of his depth here.
“Aunt-eaters?” India suggested.
“Brilliant!” Packham said, much relieved, “yes,
Aunt-eaters, very good! Where did you
get that from?”
“I think I heard Flynn mention them
when he was reading one of his wildlife books” India mused, “you know, I think
I was happier when it was invisible Pandas we had to worry about”
“It’s not a problem” Packham
said, reassuringly, “as long as people stay away from other people, then the walruses
can’t get close enough to get in there.
The trouble is that no-one’s had the little tiny Maxine walrus, because
there isn’t one, yet, so our Aunties aren’t ready for them”
“So, our Aunties are all sitting
around knitting and drinking tea and things.
Then, if the walruses get in, they don’t know how to deal with them and
might get eaten?”
“Exactly!” Packham beamed at this
student, “you’ve got it! But most of the
time, the Aunties are more than a match for the walruses and they win. It’s just that, sometimes, very occasionally…”
“They don’t?”
“No, they don’t” Packham agreed, shaking
his head, sadly.
“Well,” India sat up and
scratched her left ear, enthusiastically, “I’ve heard it all, now! You’re sure you’ve got it right this time?”
“Absolutely! If you think about
it, it all makes sense” Packham said confidently. Seeing India scratching had set him off and
he started to do the same, which meant that his front paw moved away from the
ball. India saw her chance and leapt
forward.
“Ahg god ther gall, Ahg god ther
gall” She sang, happily.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Packham
grumbled, but pretty soon the two dogs were chasing and tumbling over one
another, all thoughts of walruses, Aunties and invisible Pandas long forgotten.
You can find a lot more of these stories about Packham and India in the new collection 'Animal Turns' available
in paperback and Kindle editions. All profits from the sale of this
book go to support the work of TURN Education C.I.C.. To find out more
about TURN (and the roles of Packham and India) please follow this link:
