I'm rather fond of these two characters, Peregrine and Prudence. I wondered how they might approach Hallowe'en...
The owner of the house was
eventually dragged from his cosy spot in front of the television by the
insistent knocking on his front door.
Opening it, he found two small figures, one a girl, dressed as a witch
with chalk-white face and startling black make-up around the eyes. She was engrossed in her task of ferrying
sweets from a bucket she was carrying, into her mouth. Next to her was what appeared to be a,
slightly taller figure, resembling an Alsatian standing on its hind legs. The overall impression was somewhat startling
but what made it odder still was that both figures were sharing a scarf*.
"Mmmf ur mmmf?" The Alsatian enquired.
"Pardon?" The
householder responded.
The Alsatian muttered something,
gripped itself under the chin and, after some pulling and tugging, removed a
hairy mask to reveal a young boy underneath.
"I do beg your pardon"
The lad politely responded, whilst attempting to flatten his hair down,
"the mask does not lend itself to clear communication. My name is Peregrine, the small person next
to me, currently attempting to break the world record for the consumption of
cheap sweets, is my sister, Prudence.
What I was trying to convey through my less than convincing Wolfman
mask…"
"Oh, was that what it
was?" The householder responded.
"Indeed, I must own to
having doubts about it from the start.
Anyway, as I was trying to enunciate…Trick or Treat?"
"Trick or Treat?"
"Yes, not my preferred
tradition I must admit but needs must…our father, who is something of a
traditionalist, urged us to try to resurrect 'Penny for the Guy' but, as I
pointed out to him, even if Prudence and I were capable of constructing a Guy
worthy of exhibition, at a penny a view it would take virtually the entire
population of the town to finance a modest firework display, hence, Trick or
Treat?"
"Ah, I see, so…" The
householder began in an effort to staunch the flow of words from his verbose
visitor.
"I must, on behalf of my
sister, express a preference for cheap sweets in volume, if you have them"
Peregrine smiled, winningly. Prudence
attempted to do the same but was somewhat hampered by the number of sweets in
her mouth and was reduced to a sickly grin.
"What if I opted for
'Trick'" asked the householder, who held the misguided belief that he
could joke with children.
Peregrine sighed deeply, "I
have to admit that I wish that were not an option but I suppose I have to
remain true to the traditions of our transatlantic cousins. My father refers to the whole process as 'demanding
benefits with menaces' but he's a policeman so I suppose that is the sort of
thing he would say"
"What would it be then? Eggs and flour?" The householder chuckled.
"No, not at all. That would be crude and entirely
unnecessary." Peregrine seemed a
little distracted, He rummaged for a
moment in a pocket before producing what appeared to be a reddish-orange tennis-ball
sized piece of Plasticine. Rolling it
around in his hand he seemed lost in thought.
Then, eventually, "Have you heard of C4?" he asked,
conversationally.
"C…C…C4? Isn't that some form of gelignite or
something?"
"Ah no, a common
misconception. gelignite is really a form of dynamite, quite an old-fashioned,
albeit effective, explosive. No, C4
belongs to that more modern family of explosives known as plastic explosives,
of which Semtex is also a member. C4,
however, is off-white in colour, I understand, whereas Semtex is a sort of
brick red orange" Peregrine looked, meaningfully, at the reddish orange
ball in his hand.
"Are you…are you saying
that's Semtex?" The householder
backed a couple of yards into his hall.
"What, this?" Peregrine looked with astonishment at the
ball in his hand, "Good heavens, no!
Why, it would be the height of irresponsibility to wander the streets
with a ball of Semtex in your pocket, would it not?" Peregrine chuckled and tossed the ball into
the air, unfortunately he failed to catch it and it hit the driveway with a
muffled thud "Oops, butterfingers" he exclaimed and bent to collect
it.
The householder was, by now,
crouched in a corner of the hall with his arms and hands covering his head.
"For God's sake!" He screamed, "You'll blow us all to
kingdom come!"
"It's Plasticine!" Peregrine explained, "I'm in the habit
of carrying a ball about my person. Don't
ask me why, just one of the idiosyncrasies of youth, I suppose. I'm truly sorry if you connected my musings
about explosives with the Plasticine.
Father says that I have an enquiring mind and I do have a tendency to ponder
about topics that interest me, don't I Pru?"
"Oh, yes" Prudence
confirmed, "Father also says you're a complete liability and you'll be the
death of someone, one of these days"
"Hah! Prudence will have her
little joke" Peregrine smiled, indulgently but shot his sister a look.
"No, this…" he threw the reddish-orange ball in the air and caught it
expertly, this time, "this is Plasticine.
This, on the other hand…" He
produced a similar sized ball from his left-hand pocket. It was off-white in colour.
"Look!" The householder frantically searched in his
pockets and finally produced a wallet, "I don't have any sweets but,
here's a fiver…"
"A fiver?" Peregrine smiled weakly and raised an
eyebrow.
"No, no, of course not, what
was I thinking?" The householder
rummaged further in his wallet, "Here's a tenner…no, here's twenty quid,
you can buy as many sweets as you like with that" he grinned, nervously.
"I'm sure Prudence is
enumerating them as we speak. Thank you
so much for your very generous contribution, I'm…" but the door had been
slammed shut, as had the living room door from the sound of it. "Well!
That was a little rude, I must say!" Peregrine said with some
feeling, adding the note to a roll of similar valued currency in his pocket.
"Not as rude as that man at
14b, he said you were a little c…"
Prudence commented.
"I really don't think we
need to revisit the obscenities spouted by the man at 14b, Pru." Peregrine interrupted as they walked down the
drive, "now, here are the balls of Plasticine, you can do that bit at the
next house and I'll eat the sweets"
"Ok Fido" Prudence
chuckled as Peregrine donned his Wolfman mask, again, "I'll bet I can get
£50 out of the next one" She giggled as she skipped down the road.
* See 'You'd Better Watch Out' for the explanation
THE END
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