One Page Won't Do!

 Way back in the music history of the 1980s, a lady called Audrey Hall had a one-hit-wonder with a song called 'One Dance Won't Do'.  You may remember it?  If not, you can find it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pbWf5tb_CA

I've come to the conclusion that I can sympathise with her!  Not in terms of dancing, one dance with me would be more than enough for anyone!  No, I'm thinking, instead, about readers and, in particular, a couple who have recently read just one page of my latest tome.

You may be surprised to learn that authors who have books listed under the Kindle Unlimited programme can see how many pages of each book have been read on a daily basis.  As I spend my waking hours pathetically checking the orders for my books and pages read (usually '0' on both counts), I'm always pleased to see a number come up under the Pages Read heading and then wait to see if that number advances, which would indicate someone is steadily reading (and hopefully enjoying) said book.

However, twice in the past week or so, the Pages Read total for my latest book has shown '1' and then resolutely failed to show any increase thereafter.  Which begs the question 'Who, in their right senses, reads just one page of a book?'  Moreover, this presumably is the Title Page!  I began to wonder if I had completely lost the plot and whether, instead of putting

 

Grave Expectations

as I had intended, I had instead put

 

Naff Off And Don't Come Back Again!

but I've checked and this doesn't appear to be the case.  So, I'm at a loss.  I can't, for the life of me, see what can be so completely off-putting about the Title Page that two readers, to date, have got thus far and no further!  

Perhaps you would like to see what you think?  You don't even have to risk 99p in the endeavour.  You can 'Look Inside' on the Amazon book page or, if you're a member of Kindle Unlimited, you can read the whole thing for FREE (and I can follow the pages read, which doesn't sound much but keeps me amused)

You can find the book that two people couldn't bring themselves to read, here:

 Grave Expectations

and you can hear a sample story, here:

https://youtu.be/2cDx-YyzkRg  

 

Introducing Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble

 I've recently been taking a break from writing my usual 'nostalgedy' stories about growing up in Burton upon Trent in the 1950s and 1960s to return to my first love of writing humorous fiction.  In particular, I've thoroughly enjoyed writing stories about my pair of hapless Undertakers, Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble of Oakshott and Underwood.  These stories have now been collected in two Kindle books, as follows:

A Dubious Undertaking and other stories -

the first collection of stories about Josiah and Archibald

http://getbook.at/ADubiousUndertaking

A selection of darkly humorous tales about two hapless undertakers, Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble, and the troubles that befall them and their clients. Also, some stories about two precocious children you really wouldn't want to tangle with - Peregrine and Prudence. If you want to know who blew up the crematorium, why Mrs Anderby had an unfortunate encounter with some potting compost and how an Anti-Santa found himself in captivity, you could do a lot worse than read this book! If you like your humour slightly dark and rather silly, then this is the tome for you.

Grave Expectations - the further misadventures of 

Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble

http://getbook.at/graveexpectations

The second book featuring Josiah and Archibald and this time all the stories are about their misadventures dealing with irate mourners, V.E. Day, social bubbles, unexpected musical tracks at cremations, the difficulties of 'staying alert', pub reopening, face masks, promotion, dismissal, pyres for Viking chieftains, the oedipus complex, feuding fiancees, personnel management and office romance. All this and the pandemic too! 

 

and you can enjoy the title story of 'A Dubious Undertaking' for FREE by watching this:

https://youtu.be/2cDx-YyzkRg