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A Dog is not just for Christmas...but these two could be!

I promised you some news about Rohan and India, so here it is!   The brand new book of stories about their lives at TURN Education is now av...

Sunday, 27 May 2018

It's hot! Get yourself a 99 (p special)


For this UK Bank Holiday week only, the newest book in the 'nostalgedy' series has been reduced from £2.49 to just 99p!

What have people said about 'The Things You See...'

"I have read and enjoyed all of Philip Whiteland's books and this book was no exception. But a word of warning. Do not read this book in bed if you don't sleep alone. I got in big trouble because I was laughing so much I woke up my husband. He was not impressed. Especially watch out for the kick towards the end at the Post Office. I shall say no more, other than ENJOY!"  Jonty

"Philip has done it again with The Things You See. I love all Philips books and this is particularly special to me as it mentions a place I once worked. It gives so much detail I am almost back at my desk in the late 70s. Philip's books/kindles are just the job to cheer you up.

Keep writing Philip."  Quintella

"As usual Philip pushes those memory buttons long switched off. His humour makes it a local book that must be read. Off now to finish the last few pages."   Amazon Customer

"...it made me chuckle and successfully took me back in time to wonderful friends and events and a happy life style most of which I had all but forgotten - so well done and thank you..."  KLB

"....I'm thoroughly enjoying it!  It's amazing how much you forget about the past.  Happy times."  LW.


Tuesday, 22 May 2018

The Thing With Bing!




If you've got children of a certain age around the house, then you'll know about Bing!  If not, his work may have passed you by, particularly if you don't happen to be an avid fan of CBeebies.



Bing! (and he always comes with his own exclamation mark) is a charming black rabbit dressed in a colourful set of dungarees (which people my age would have called a romper suit in the dark ages).  He has a series of adventures with his friends Sula (an elephant) Pando (a panda) and Coco (another rabbit) which are all little morality tales in which Bing! learns a lesson about behaviour and social rules, which makes him a better rabbit.  So far, so good.

Where it gets a bit odd, in my opinion, is when we consider the carers of these animals.  None of them are the same species as their charges.  In fact, they're not any recognisable species at all.  For example, Flop, Bing's! carer, is an indeterminate brown thing that looks like a favourite toy that's been washed too many times.  Moreover, he, and all the other carers and 'adults' in these stories, is only half the size of his dependant, if that.

What bothers me is that these creatures, whatever they are, clearly run the world they inhabit.  They care for their giant animal offspring and also run the shop, the ice cream van and everything else in between.  What you don't see, ever, are the grown-up versions of the animals of which the children are infants, if you see what I mean.  Clearly Bing!, Sula and the rest have to grow up, at some point, so what happens to them then?  They can't take a position of any responsibility in their world because the small things with funny shapes have got those all sewn up. 


Is it me, or does this have all the hallmarks of a classic, if rather surreal, horror film?

Wednesday, 2 May 2018

The End of the Paper Trail


It's a little after the event, but here's April's column for the Derby Telegraph in which I wonder whether I've made the right decision.  Something I spend most of my life wondering ;-)

and this is the unedited version:


There was a lot that I really liked about Wesley's in Victoria Crescent, Burton back in the 1970s.  I liked the people and the quirkiness of the building.  I loved the ancient machinery and the odd terms associated with paper manufacture (like reams and 'knocking up').  The only thing I really wasn't happy about was the pay, which was abysmal.

You might wonder why I was bothered about how much I earned?  After all, I lived at home and paid a modest amount of 'board', had no expenses other than my bus fare, money for cigarettes and a few pints (well, quite a few actually).  The answer could be found on a Saturday night at the Transport Club.  Here, in the Lounge, gathered all of my mates and some mates of my mates, along with their respective wives/girlfriends.  This made for a most convivial evening but I found that buying a round pretty much wiped out all of my disposable income for the rest of the week!

It wasn't just about the money, either.  Most of my friends (even Kev) had secured good jobs with the Department of Employment (or whatever title it went by in those days) initially in the Labour Exchange in Cross Street and then in the Job Centre in New Street.  Their jobs had clear career paths, promotion to higher levels was on offer as was the opportunity to try other roles at the same grade to expand their knowledge and experience.  They were perpetually going on training courses.  I barely had enough work to last me through the week and had never been trained to do anything.

On the grounds of 'if you can't beat them, join them', I went to talk to a manager in the Department.  Unfortunately, it soon became clear that the Civil Service's rules of entry were designed to keep me out.  You had to have 5 'O' Levels or their equivalent to join as a Clerical Officer.  Unfortunately, my 3 'O' levels and 2 'A' levels were in the same subjects, which meant they didn't count.  Therefore, if I was to join, it could only be as a Clerical Assistant, the lowest of the low, at a salary even lower than the miserable amount Wesley's provided me with.  On reflection, this would have been a good move but at 22 I was not thinking in the long term, I just needed enough to buy a round on a Saturday night.
My eye was caught by an advertisement for a Cost Clerk at Grants of St. James's in Station Street.  A couple of interviews later, I was astonished to be offered the job as a Cost Clerk/Assistant Section Leader.  What did this involve?  I had no idea and still wasn't sure 2½ years later when I left.  The attraction, to me however, was that I would be doubling my salary, would have a generous allowance of wines and spirits and would be closer to home.  Taking all of that into account, the fact that I didn't know anything about the job seemed of little importance.

I can still remember the day that I left Wesley's.  It was a warm summer evening as I walked out of my office and headed down the loading bank for the last time.  I looked back at the familiar bulk of the Victorian former Crescent Brewery and my heart sank.  Why, I wondered, was I leaving somewhere that I loved and knew so well, just for a few more pounds in my pocket.  I had a sinking feeling that I might be making a very big mistake.

If you're wondering how I got the job at Grants', despite having little relevant experience and no knowledge of what the job entailed?  So was I, but I think it became clear on my first morning when the Department Head remarked that he had seen my dad on his way to work that morning.  As my dad was 'between engagements' and was still in bed when I left home, I realised he must be talking about my uncle with whom, apparently, he was great friends.  You could see his face fall when I told him but he covered it well.