On the second day of Christmas...

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree.

Whereupon, I said to my true love:

"Shouldn't this have been yesterday?"  and she said,

"That's unexpectedly philosophical!  Should I reply with something equally gnomic like, 'Should now be tomorrow?' ?"

I summoned all of my wit and ready repartee and said:

"What?"  Whereupon, she said,

"Stop moaning, I gave you that nice book yesterday, you know, that 'A Christmas Cracker' containing 21 hilarious seasonal stories for just 99p?"

"Yes, I remember, and you're sounding like a bad T.V. advert.  What's with the feathered friend and the nascent arboretum?"

"Oh, it's traditional and I thought you might like it.  If all else fails, you can always E..A..T it"

"Eat it?"  I queried, whereupon the bird flew straight out through the open window.

"Now look!  It took me hours to catch it and tie it to that bloody tree.  You've know wossname, you!"

"Wossname?"

"Sense of gratitude is what I was trying to say.  I go to all of this trouble to make things nice and traditional and all you do is moan about the price of things and frighten the wildfowl"

"Well, 99p is a bit cheapskate and what am I supposed to do with a partridge?"

"You can stuff it, as far as I'm concerned"

"I'd have to be pretty fast off the mark.  It's over in next door's garden now."

"Oh, just read your book!"

"Well, it is guaranteed to get you Into The Christmas Spirit"

"Now who's sounding like a bad T.V. advert?"